New Rules
Here are some additional rules and thoughts which build on previous posts.
New Food Rules:
1. No Mexican food for breakfast. No breakfast burritos or tacos, no salsa before 11:30am and never, ever refried beans in the morning. I am going to request that my Church make it a part of their annual mission trip down to Mexico to bring those poor people some better breakfast food. Think of all they could be as a nation with a good apple fritter, little white powdered donuts and mountain dew (my law school breakfast), Krispy Kremes (you can tell I’m a health nut), eggs and sausage not wrapped in a flour shell clearly designed for pm meals, or even a sausage/egg McGriddle sandwich. Oh the humanity!!!!
2. Do not allow vegetables to masquerade as desert. No carrot cake. Carrot cake? Really? Why not turnip pastries or beet filled donuts. Zucchini bread is pushing it, but we’ll let it slide because I have such good memories of my mom’s zucchini bread. Besides everyone knows that the only reason carrot cake still exists in the world is because bakers have sworn a solemn blood oath to only put that yummy cream cheese frosting on carrot cake. Why? Why not on a good chocolate cake? Who is running this global reign of terror? I believe it is Osama Ben Laden.
More Language Issues
We need to dial back our use of the word “literally” as it has become a national disgrace. Ok, that might be overstating things a bit, but it is mildly annoying, so that’s good enough to discuss it here. People use this word to place emphasis on their point, but it is not so much a word of emphasis as it is a description which allows you to distinguish that which is real from that which is a metaphor, analogy or the like. Let me give you some examples to illustrate my point.
Correct use: When I fell into the creek as a small boy on a hiking trip and my dad put his t-shirt on me to keep me warm and dry, he showed that he was literally willing to give me the shirt off his back.
Incorrect use: When my father discovered I had disobeyed him for the 47th time, he literally exploded in anger.
You will note that in the correct use, you say “literally” because you are using the common expression “to give the shirt off your back” which is generally spoken figuratively to communicate generosity, but this time you mean he actually gave the shirt off his back. Whereas in the incorrect use, you are using the word literally incorrectly under the assumption that it places emphasis and a sense of realism to your exaggeration to make a point. Instead, the only point you’ve made is that you have a solid command of ways to turn the English language into gibberish. Just remember that literally means something actually took place exactly as you’ve described, so if you are exaggerating or using some sort of metaphor, just leave the word out.
Yet another reason to like Green Lantern: No dopey sidekick.
New Food Rules:
1. No Mexican food for breakfast. No breakfast burritos or tacos, no salsa before 11:30am and never, ever refried beans in the morning. I am going to request that my Church make it a part of their annual mission trip down to Mexico to bring those poor people some better breakfast food. Think of all they could be as a nation with a good apple fritter, little white powdered donuts and mountain dew (my law school breakfast), Krispy Kremes (you can tell I’m a health nut), eggs and sausage not wrapped in a flour shell clearly designed for pm meals, or even a sausage/egg McGriddle sandwich. Oh the humanity!!!!
2. Do not allow vegetables to masquerade as desert. No carrot cake. Carrot cake? Really? Why not turnip pastries or beet filled donuts. Zucchini bread is pushing it, but we’ll let it slide because I have such good memories of my mom’s zucchini bread. Besides everyone knows that the only reason carrot cake still exists in the world is because bakers have sworn a solemn blood oath to only put that yummy cream cheese frosting on carrot cake. Why? Why not on a good chocolate cake? Who is running this global reign of terror? I believe it is Osama Ben Laden.
More Language Issues
We need to dial back our use of the word “literally” as it has become a national disgrace. Ok, that might be overstating things a bit, but it is mildly annoying, so that’s good enough to discuss it here. People use this word to place emphasis on their point, but it is not so much a word of emphasis as it is a description which allows you to distinguish that which is real from that which is a metaphor, analogy or the like. Let me give you some examples to illustrate my point.
Correct use: When I fell into the creek as a small boy on a hiking trip and my dad put his t-shirt on me to keep me warm and dry, he showed that he was literally willing to give me the shirt off his back.
Incorrect use: When my father discovered I had disobeyed him for the 47th time, he literally exploded in anger.
You will note that in the correct use, you say “literally” because you are using the common expression “to give the shirt off your back” which is generally spoken figuratively to communicate generosity, but this time you mean he actually gave the shirt off his back. Whereas in the incorrect use, you are using the word literally incorrectly under the assumption that it places emphasis and a sense of realism to your exaggeration to make a point. Instead, the only point you’ve made is that you have a solid command of ways to turn the English language into gibberish. Just remember that literally means something actually took place exactly as you’ve described, so if you are exaggerating or using some sort of metaphor, just leave the word out.
Yet another reason to like Green Lantern: No dopey sidekick.
Comments
This rule also applies when mystery food appears in the Danebo Staff room. Again, who brought the food, and have you seen the kitchen and food preperation? I once saved myself from disaster by declining "salads left over from somebody's cousin's wedding."
Sadly, Tim does not apply this method, and at times has paid dearly. KNOW YOUR FOOD!
In fact....
I think I will do just that while the inspiration is hot.
Or your sword was not handy.
I always keep a sword handy, so you are right about the pen.