Doh!!
Generally, I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent guy. Whether you are or not, try thinking of yourself that way and I bet you like it too. But there are certain times in life when I feel particularly stupid. For no good reason, I thought I would share them with you. This will probably become a running list for this blog as new ones come up with alarming frequency and I would invite you to add to the list in the comments section.
1. When I drive by a flag at half-mast and have no idea what we’re mourning.
2. When I try to spell the word restaurant. I can just never remember where the “au” comes.
3. When I have to sing the alphabet song to remember the order of letters
4. When I go on auto-pilot and drive halfway to work before I realize it is Saturday and I was just going to the grocery store
5. When I realize how few world leaders I could name
6. When I play basketball without spending approximately 2 and a half days stretching out first
7. When I go to a movie starring Ralph “don’t call me Ralph” Fiennes and think “this will be the time he is not a total, insufferable wuss.”
8. When my 5 year old son asks me things like: “Yeah, but how does a cd really make music? I mean how does is go from this round thing to music?”
9. Whenever I hang Christmas lights. If there’s a wrong way to do it, I can find it.
10. When a total stranger comes up and starts talking to me about old times and I realize this isn’t a total stranger, this is someone who knows me well and I don’t recall ever seeing them before, then the conversation continues and it is clear we have known each other for years and still I’ve got nothing and then he looks at me suspiciously and says, “you don’t know who I am do you?” And I have to confess my ignorance only to have them say something like, “I was the best man at your wedding,” or “I’m your brother for crying out loud” or something like that. You know what I mean? No? Oh…ummm…me neither…forget I said anything.
1. When I drive by a flag at half-mast and have no idea what we’re mourning.
2. When I try to spell the word restaurant. I can just never remember where the “au” comes.
3. When I have to sing the alphabet song to remember the order of letters
4. When I go on auto-pilot and drive halfway to work before I realize it is Saturday and I was just going to the grocery store
5. When I realize how few world leaders I could name
6. When I play basketball without spending approximately 2 and a half days stretching out first
7. When I go to a movie starring Ralph “don’t call me Ralph” Fiennes and think “this will be the time he is not a total, insufferable wuss.”
8. When my 5 year old son asks me things like: “Yeah, but how does a cd really make music? I mean how does is go from this round thing to music?”
9. Whenever I hang Christmas lights. If there’s a wrong way to do it, I can find it.
10. When a total stranger comes up and starts talking to me about old times and I realize this isn’t a total stranger, this is someone who knows me well and I don’t recall ever seeing them before, then the conversation continues and it is clear we have known each other for years and still I’ve got nothing and then he looks at me suspiciously and says, “you don’t know who I am do you?” And I have to confess my ignorance only to have them say something like, “I was the best man at your wedding,” or “I’m your brother for crying out loud” or something like that. You know what I mean? No? Oh…ummm…me neither…forget I said anything.
Comments
Don't be so hard on yourself. You may not be able to name all the World Leaders, but you DO know which paper towel to use. And really, which is the more useful information on a daily basis? I gotta go with the paper towels.
Randy, See, now I feel stupid. Thanks a lot. Actually the answer to your questiion is that there are little miniture monkeys in your cd player who play the music when they see their reflections, or so says my 5 year old who makes a fairly compelling argument when he presents it.
Stoogelover, Thanks for checking out my blog, thanks for commenting and mostly, thanks for the great blog handle. You raise yet another great point about tipping with the both the mandatory group tip and the refusal to split checks.
Inspired by a friend of mine who took a rather agressive approach to this situation, I have had this diologue with waiters more than once:
"Sir, I'm sorry, but we are unable to split the check"
"Well, then you have a problem, because I am only going to pay for my meal and no one elses, so you can either take my credit card and bill me for my food or you can give me my lunch for free. It's really up to you."
So far that has worked every single time.
And I'm just not getting going on the group tip thing right now because I will get all worked up and have to steal my co-worker's blood pressure medication just to keep major arteries from hemoraging. And no one wants to see that in the office.