Vacation 2008 - Day 2 Part 2

Still buzzing with excitement from our victory over the evil empire, we charged off to ride the Finding Nemo submarine ride. This was a new attraction relatively and the kids were excited to ride it. How did they even know about it you may ask? I’m not exactly sure. My best guess is that Disney has spiked our drinking water with nanotechnology that sends messages to our brain on a cellular level informing us about the latest Disney rides, tv shows and movies. But I’m not completely sure. Just going with the most simple explanation.

Anyway, the line for Nemo was going to take more than an hour and had no fast pass. You know about the fast pass right? It’s ingenious really. You grab a ticket for the ride that tells you when to come back to the ride so you can go stand in line for other rides and then come back and stand in a slightly shorter line for the ride you initially wanted to ride. It is possible that for a major ride it makes sense and I give Disney total credit for trying to do something about the lines, but we did not use this little gimmick a single time. Nevertheless other people who have been to Disney land talk about it like they discovered the fountain of youth when they talk about the fastpass. Now the “stroller pass” that really is pure genius. This allows Mom to ride the ride while Dad stays with the stroller. Then Dad gets a stroller pass so that when Mom gets back Dad can go to the front of the line. In other words, if you hate lines and love riding rides alone, bring a stroller with you next time you go to Disneyland.

Where was I?.....oh yeah, not riding Nemo….

Instead of Nemo we went to “autotopia” or as I like to call it “The most ironic ride ever.” Disneyland is located in the LA metro area which means you can only get there by driving for hours in the worst traffic in the nation. So when you get there, Disneyland provides you a ride which basically consists of driving a small car in traffic. Brilliant. The boys loved it though and it was the perfect speed for the afternoon.

After that we went to Toontown and forced G2 to ride a terrifying (for him) roller coaster and spent the next hour trying to make it up to him with ice cream. In truth, we were all beat. The park overwhelmed the boys, the sun and activity had drained all of us and we were done. We wondered aimlessly a bit and then hit the classic kid rides – Dumbo, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, Alice in Wonderland, Tea Cups, etc. Finally, G2 was loving the rides. The rides were perfect except for one thing….the Evil Queen. You know the one from Snow White? Well G2 is absolutely terrified of her. I have no idea why. People have suggested that it could be linked to the year I spent dressing up as the evil queen and sneaking into his room in the middle of the night and cackling like a crazy person, but I just don’t see how that could be related. Anyway, right above Snow White’s ride is a window where periodically the curtains part to reveal the Evil Queen looking down on the passers by. When G2 saw this he was petrified. I was worried that he may simply try to flee and we would never get him to come back. That led to this exchange:

Me: Hey dude, there is nothing to be afraid of, she is just a robot.
G2: A bad robot?

Me: No, just a robot.

G2: She looks bad and bad robots are scary. I don’t like her.

Me. Well, I’m not saying we should go ask her for some apples, but she just stands there and she is just a machine and nothing to be afraid of.

G2: I don’t like her. I don’t like her at all. You know who could beat her? Incredible hulk.

This epiphany seemed to provide him some comfort and we just left it at that. Even though we were having fun, we were still running very low on energy so we met our friends for dinner and then went back to the hotel to call it a day.

We had a great hotel room with a separate space for the boys with bunk beds. Bunkbeds are great and all, but unfortunately, they all come with the same fatal flaw. There is only one top bunk. I realize the laws of nature require this, but it stinks for little boys and their parents. It is a little known fact that the top bunk is awesome while the bottom bunk is the bed equivalent to banging your shin on the coffee table in the eyes of young boys. We settled the issue as we often do in these circumstances by flipping a coin and then trying in vain to get the losing child to stop crying. Good, good times.

My lovely wife actually fell asleep while walking up the stairs to our hotel room, so we all just carried her the rest of the way, laid her down on the bed where she did not speak another coherent word until morning. Disneyland requires a lot of Mommying. I mean a lot. My lovely wife was mommyed out and no one could blame her.

The truly incredible thing is that our boys had been brain dead for 2 and half hours. They were in some kind of strange waking coma having completely exhausted themselves. Then, when we got to the hotel room, they were apparently piping in some kind of mind altering gas that affects only children because our boys got a second wind that could have powered all the windfarms in California. Where do they get that energy? Disney nanotechnology? Hmm……

Anyway, they finally got to sleep and after convincing myself that my wife was in fact just sleeping and not in some kind of suspended animation, I went to sleep as well. All those people who tell you if you are taking kids you should take a break in the middle of the day and then go back are right. We tried to push it too hard and too long and ended up crashing at 7pm. Rookie mistake. But we had a whole second day at the park to make up for it and make up for it we did.

The second day at Disney ended with this “The Waltons” like goodnight exchange:

Me: Good night boys.

G1: G2 is a toot factory and I can’t go to sleep

G2: (unbridled giggling)

G1: It’s not funny.

Me: Boys, it’s time to go to sleep. No more potty talk. Good night.

G2: Goodnight yodi dog (if that sounds like gibberish, it is and I have no idea what it means. I don’t make the news, I just report it)

G1: Buenes Noches

Me: Good night mommy

Mommy: (silence)

Me: Good night mommy

Mommy: (stirring slightly) I don’t…what?...boys don’t climb on that….come here…stay with us…don’t lick that…don’t hit your brother…don’t hit that nice lady…hmm…avlegrablifishkinalyfink……(silence)

G1: What did she say?

Me: She said, “good night.”

Stay tuned for Day 3!!!!