Vaction Day 2, Part 1

And now the continuing saga of our recent vacation…
Day 2, Part 1 – Disney, baby. Disney.
The night before day 2 we sat with our friends to decide what time to leave. We wanted to basically get there when the park opened and my friends live “across town” from Disneyland which in LA means approximately 16 hours away if traffic is light. Also the term “traffic is light” in LA means your car is not moving in reverse, away from your destination. I find that many every day terms need to be defined when living in LA. You just need a different frame of reference for questions like:

1. Is that an expensive car?
2. Is that surgery medically necessary?
3. What do you mean the coke you’re selling doesn’t come in diet?
4. Do you know anyone in the business?
5. Do you know how to find the Paris Hilton?

Anyway, since it was going to be a bit of a haul, we had to make a plan. Why is it that it can be so difficult for 4 otherwise relatively normal adults who are good friends to arrive at a plan with complicated details like where we should eat or when we should leave or where can we find a half-decent sandwich or things like that? Anyway, after hiring and firing two different professional mediators, we came to a decision, went to bed where the kids slept approximately 4 minutes then got up late and completely abandoned the plan we made the night before.

The drive to the magic kingdom was really about 2 hours a way and in the course of that time our kids began channeling their excitement into a rousing game I believe they must call “who can ask the same question the most.” “Is that (pointing to any visible structure on the road side) Disneyland?” was the clubhouse leader, but an impressive stretch run by “Do you have something to drink?” narrowly edged all others to win the game. What was most impressive though was that despite the long drive and build-up our kids did very little whining or complaining. What good boys. And why shouldn’t they have been good? They were on their way to the happiest place on earth!!!!

We got to our hotel which was about 5 blocks from the park entrance, got our parking pass and walked to the park. Since I want to get this posted today, here are the highlights from the rest of the day (first part only):


· Weather was a perfect 75 and sunny. You read about the crime and traffic and other problems with LA and you think why do so many people live there. And then you go and it is 75 and sunny every single day and you get your answer.

· To my surprise and delight my typically apprehensive oldest son was gung-ho to ride Splash Mountain even after hearing about the long drop at the end. He usually pleads with me not to make him ride stuff like that but he wanted to make that our first ride. Line was short. G1 loved it and G2 hated it, but it was still a pretty good start.

· Before the first ride we walked down the very well done mainstreet where kids were lining up by the hundreds to have Mickey Mouse, Pluto and Cruella DeVille sign autographs. Really? Autographs? I mean, I suppose if you were wearing a coat made out of Dalmations, it might be cool to have it signed by Cruella if you were the kind of psycho that wore clothes made from dogs, but other than that….autographs? From people dressed as giant mice? I don’t get it. Thankfully, neither did our boys who made no demands to stand in those long lines for the pleasure of shaking hands with some college student about to drop dead of heatstroke inside a giant cartoon dog.

· From Splash Mtn, we did Pirates of the Carribean, saw a live Indiana Jones show, rode a Buzz Lightyear ride and several others before the unquestioned highlight of the day…..

· JEDI TRAINING – There is a show in “Tomorrowland” where several Jedi have teamed up with Darth Vader and Darth Maul to train young Jedi in the ways of battling with plastic colored swords while wearing a very impractical friar’s robe. You should know that my boys love Star Wars. Love it. They could watch the movies over and over around the clock only breaking to talk about them and relive certain scenes if we let them…..which we don’t….as far as you know. Anyway, we had heard about the show from our good friends Tony and Jennifer as their boy was a participant when they visited the park, but I had forgotten about it until now.

We came upon the show as it was about half way over and basically little kids with plastic light sabers were doing battle with a very real looking Darth Vader and very spooky looking Darth Maul while storm troopers observed and Star Wars music blared in the back ground. As I was watching the engrossed audience I could actually hear George Lucas getting richer. It was amazing. We decided this was a “must do” event and I inquired how one got their kid up on stage with the Darths. Then I was given horrible news for any parent. You could show up and stand for hours with hundreds of other kids and parents in this sort of bullpen area and hope you were one of the lucky few chosen at random by the Jedi instructors. NOOOoooooooooooooo. That was terrible news because that means (a) jockeying for position for an hour in advance with other ruthless parents and (b) the real possibility that neither kid would be chosen, or even worse, one would be and one would not.

So, we did the only sensible thing and left Tomorrowland never to return. Nope. Not us. Instead, I stood in the bullpen for more than an hour while I ate the most expensive chicken sandwich I’ve ever eaten and called on years of elbowing people out of my way on the basketball court to protect the 2 square feet that my boys (and their friend P) would need to stand in prime choosing position. This included the following actual exchange with another parent:

Angry Bitter Sweaty Mom: Do you mind if my kids stand right here in front of you? You just need to have your kids back up. We’ve really been wanting to do this and they want to be up front, do you mind?

Me: Uhhhmmmm, actually I’ve been waiting here quite a while so my boys could be up front, so yeah, I guess I do. Sorry.

ABSM: (looking at me like I had just called her a common prostitute): Listen, my kids have just as much right as yours to stand there.

Me: (bracing for battle and wishing I had more jedi training myself): Well, they have every right to stand here like everyone else, but I think my kids have the right to keep standing where they are standing now and have been standing for like an hour since they got their first. I don’t mean to be rude, but like I said, we’ve been here for a while.

ABSM: Oh that’s just great!!!! Thanks a lot!!!

At that point she just squeezed in next to me and my kids as if their mere presence and sweatiness would drive us from our claim. Instead I just stood there as if oblivious to her gruntings and mutterings until finally they left to try to find some other poor sap to try to con into giving up their space. I mean, give me a break.

Anyway, finally, the Jedi came out and the show started. When he pointed at my boys and said, “the two right there in front with the red shirts” calling both boys up to the stage I whooped and clapped like I had just won the lottery. Then when he called up their friend P too, I could finally just relax and enjoy. So all the boys got special Jedi training and we captured it all on film. It was faaaaaaaaaantastic. Plus, in a shocking turn of events, they defeated both Darths who made the galaxy’s slowest getaway as they were lowered down under the stage by a platform that may still be taking them down even as I write this.

The boys were grinning ear to ear. I was still celebrating my victory over ABSM and we were frolicking around in a place that smelled like churros wherever you went. Ahhh the bliss.

The Jedi training ended with this exchange between me and G2:

G2: Why was Darth Maul there fighting?

Me: I think he got tired of fighting out in space and decided to get a job here at Disneyland since really, when you think about it, there aren’t that may jobs open to guys with horns, face tattoos and whose only discernible skill is looking fierce and fighting with a brightly colored sword.

G2: (nodding at the unquestionable logic of my answer): Daddy, I think you should get a job here at Disneyland. You could put on your robe and fight kids with a sword.

Me: I think they arrest guys for doing that.

G2? What? What do you mean?

Me: Hey look it’s finding Nemo.

Tune in next time for Day 2, Part 2 – running out of steam.