Vacation Day 3

Day 3 was Day 2 in house of mouse. Our game plan was simple and straightforward.

1. Breakfast at IHOP to start out with a good fuel level as we started our day. For reasons I can not explain to this day, it was by far our most expensive meal of the trip. 4 people, two of them children, and it was more than anything we ate in the park by a wide margin. I looked at the bill up and down, but I still think I must have missed something, like the fact that I agreed to buy a round of pancakes for the house or something. It may be a long time before I try IHOP again. Just makes me nervous like traveling in Europe with your wallet in your back pocket after all the stories of pick-pockets. Ok, so I’ve never travelled in Europe, but I’ve heard stories including one where my lovely wife fought off two gypsies in an Italian bathroom and chased down a third to reclaim her backpack. Lovely and ferocious! It is very likely that if there really are people with superpowers living among us, she is one of them.

2. Go to Disneyland and head right to the Finding Nemo ride. We figured correctly that the line would be somewhat shorter and that we would be better equipped psychologically to deal with a long line first thing in the morning. The ride featured a submarine in a big swimming pool where you could watch the Nemo characters out your window. The ride was just OK, but seeing the animated characters underwater like that was actually pretty amazing. I could have used more Bruce the shark. G2 could have used considerably less. While clutching to my side, he kept saying “fish are friends, not food.” I’m pretty sure I have already scarred this poor child.

3. Then we would go and meet our friends Alan and Sharon and their kids P and E and go to California Adventure. This park is one of the lesser Baldwins to Disney’s Alec. Maybe Billy. At least that’s how it is obviously perceived by the public who were avoiding this place like a nuclear blast zone compared to the crowds at the main park. That suited us just fine. We spent the morning in the area themed after the movie A Bug’s Life which featured the following highlights:

a. A kiddy train that took you through stuff a caterpillar character eats and when you go through you are bombarded with the scent of whatever food you are near, which included watermelon, animal cookies, apple strudel and more. It was amazing and pretty fun until you stop to consider what kind of chemical bath we must have been wading through to get that kind of odor in an open air ride. My guess is we suffered a 30% cilium loss and aged our lungs by 2.4 years. While we are on the subject, Disneyland smells surprisingly good. This, of course, like most good things, makes me suspicious. I mean the place is packed with people and many of them clearly take approaches to personal hygiene that suggests a less than pleasant odor. Then you add the heat and machinery and trash that must accumulate and there is just no good reason for the whole place to smell like a churro, but it does and that right there is worth $40 of the admission fee. Not joking.

b. The world’s slowest bumper cars. At top speeds you needed time-lapse photography to even detect movement. In my mind a bumper car is not worth doing unless there is a at least a 50/50 chance of leaving the session with fractured vertebrae or permanent soft-tissue damage. Sure, the kids enjoyed these cars just fine, but I was hoping for more.

c. Lots of water features designed to let kids run around like crazy and get soaking wet. High on squeal and giggle factor. It was fantastic and given the heat a perfect feature. Good work by the designers to go simple and let the kids blow off some steam….literally. My favorite part was watching G2 who was pretty overwhelmed the first day, come out of his shell in this area. My second favorite part was the mom who let her 6 year old kid loose among the various drips and jets of water while yelling the whole time, “don’t get too wet.” I think just maybe she was sending mixed messages there.

4. A bug’s life was followed by a very wet and fun raft ride where my lovely wife managed to get about 3 times more soaked than anyone else. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought that fake river was out to get her.

5. The lunch plan was also simple, seek and devour one of the much discussed giant corndogs served in California Adventure. I love me some corndog and these did not disappoint. Of course, you really need to wash down a corndog with a giant elephant ear covered in cinnamon and sugar, but now I’m just getting greedy.

6. Lunch was followed by a couple more rides with the kids and then the one truly grown-up ride we rode on the trip. This was California Screamin which is a large and it turns out, very cool roller coaster. I have two requirements for roller coasters. First, they must be fast and this one blows you away from the start. Second, it must be smooth. With those goofy braces they make you wear a jerky roller coaster can give you cauliflower ears like you are an offensive lineman from the ‘60s. I love roller coasters and would loved to have done the others at the park, but this trip was about the kids and the one I did ride was fantastic, so no complaints.

7. After that it was back to Disneyland where we randomly had double the energy of the first day and we stayed until almost 9. We saw the parade and rode a bunch more rides and had a really great time. Then we headed to the Indiana Jones store to purchase souvenirs. I had told the boys they could pick out one toy or something else to buy before we left. Not surprisingly they both chose the same “Indiana Jones Action Kit” which is on full display in both the picture with this post and the first vacation post back on June 3 (as predicted it is taking me longer to replay the vacation than it did to take the vacation…at least the replay is cheaper). The kit was perfect. Everything in Disneyland costs between 50% and 150% more than it should and the boys were set on getting something related to Indiana Jones (or Indiannie Jones as G2 calls him), but the hats were $38, the whips were $40, the revolvers were being sold behind the store out of the trunk of someone’s Disney Employee Golf Cart at a “gun show” to avoid background checks so I was worried. Then, as if created just for us, they had these kits with indestructible hats, totally destructible whips, a plastic revolver with holster and a foam machete thrown in as a bonus. Oh and a little bag of plastic jewels and gold coins. And all of this for less than $20. Brilliant! Maybe this is the happiest place on earth……or maybe the artificial watermelon gas has so altered my brain that I think someone is doing me a favor by providing me the opportunity to pay $40 for cheap toys.

8. After that we rode tons more rides and watched the parade. Everyone was in a good mood even though we were all tired. We ended with one more wild ride with Mr. Toad which was one of the boys’ favorites and called it a long but good day. The only downside is when we walked by the saddest place on earth as we were exiting the park. Right near the exit is the office where you are to go if you have lost a child at the park. There looked to be about 5-8 sets of shell-shocked and distraught parents in there at the time. It just about stopped my heart thinking about it. It was a good reminder to say a prayer, first for those families and then for my own and our safety.

9. Then to top off a great day, there was barely any traffic on the way home and we made it back “across town” in about an hour and 15 minutes which is pretty staggering. At the end it was a very good day and even though it didn’t have us saving the galaxy, it did end with everyone in a happier state of mind. Also, needless to say I, the driver, was the only one still awake by the time we made it back as far as downtown LA and we were all asleep within minutes of being on the road.

Next up is Day 4 which involved a basketball dunking horse about the size of my parents’ dog, a Zedonk and a bowling pig. In other words, it was exactly like my senior prom all over again.