Sign of the Times
It seems like I’ve seen more than my share of interesting signs lately. Not “signs” like supernatural omens, but signs like those ones they put along streets that have numbers on them like 55 or 35 “School Zone 25”. What do those signs mean anyway? I thought I would offer you a list of some of my favorites that I’ve seen lately. Please feel free to add your own to the list if you’ve seen any good ones.
1. In downtown Portland there is a Blockbuster that moved out of its building leaving only an empty building and their sign. Some enterprising person found those big letters that you place on movie marquees and those signs outside of schools that cheer on the boys JV Lacrosse team, and spelled out the following message on the old Blockbuster sign: “Blokbustr is stuped.” Those aren’t typos, just a little dose of irony for the morning commute.
2. A friend of mine took a picture (that I will post here if the site lets me) of a sign above a urinal he saw in Canada that says “Do not drink.” The fact that they had to post that sign, may say all you need to know about Canadian beer – there’s lots of it and it tastes like something you might drink out of a urinal.
3. A local store has a sign over an area of clothing which says simply “Active Bottoms.” There are just too many jokes to make there, so I will just leave that to your imagination.
4. On a different note, one of the older downtown office buildings in Portland has the golden rule built into it in raised stone lettering. It is one of the last things I can see leaving downtown on the MAX ride home. After all these years living here, I only noticed it recently. What great reminder right before I get home, even though the golden rule doesn’t really apply to spanking my kids.
5. There is a sign for a furniture store in LA that may be the most unfortunate and lame I have ever seen. It is, I presume, the name of the store which is, “Sid’s Baby Furniture.” Not making that up.
6. There is a street in North/NE Portland named “Failing St.” There is a pedestrian bridge on the street that crosses I-5. Until very recently, the sign read, “Failing Pedestrian Bridge.” The sign was recently changed to say, “Failing St. Pedestrian Bridge,” but I still laugh every time I see it.
7. The firm represents companies that sell advertising space on busses and MAX trains. A dispute came about when an advertisement for the TV show “One Tree Hill” was mysteriously printed “One Tree Ho” on the side of a bus. I’ve never seen the show, but…you know, I’m just too afraid to comment further about that.
8. My Dad and I, while traveling, passed a large building in a rural area advertising a “Steer and Female sale.” I’m guessing many a cowboy went home disappointed that night when they discovered this was not a brick and mortar store for mail order brides.
9. An all time classic is the traffic sign found around many local parks and schools that says simply, “Slow Children at Play.” I’m thinking of petitioning that those signs be placed in and around the Rose Garden during basketball season.
10. Finally, this morning, I saw a bumper sticker which read, “Go ahead and swim in my toilet because I’m peeing in your pool.
1. In downtown Portland there is a Blockbuster that moved out of its building leaving only an empty building and their sign. Some enterprising person found those big letters that you place on movie marquees and those signs outside of schools that cheer on the boys JV Lacrosse team, and spelled out the following message on the old Blockbuster sign: “Blokbustr is stuped.” Those aren’t typos, just a little dose of irony for the morning commute.
2. A friend of mine took a picture (that I will post here if the site lets me) of a sign above a urinal he saw in Canada that says “Do not drink.” The fact that they had to post that sign, may say all you need to know about Canadian beer – there’s lots of it and it tastes like something you might drink out of a urinal.
3. A local store has a sign over an area of clothing which says simply “Active Bottoms.” There are just too many jokes to make there, so I will just leave that to your imagination.
4. On a different note, one of the older downtown office buildings in Portland has the golden rule built into it in raised stone lettering. It is one of the last things I can see leaving downtown on the MAX ride home. After all these years living here, I only noticed it recently. What great reminder right before I get home, even though the golden rule doesn’t really apply to spanking my kids.
5. There is a sign for a furniture store in LA that may be the most unfortunate and lame I have ever seen. It is, I presume, the name of the store which is, “Sid’s Baby Furniture.” Not making that up.
6. There is a street in North/NE Portland named “Failing St.” There is a pedestrian bridge on the street that crosses I-5. Until very recently, the sign read, “Failing Pedestrian Bridge.” The sign was recently changed to say, “Failing St. Pedestrian Bridge,” but I still laugh every time I see it.
7. The firm represents companies that sell advertising space on busses and MAX trains. A dispute came about when an advertisement for the TV show “One Tree Hill” was mysteriously printed “One Tree Ho” on the side of a bus. I’ve never seen the show, but…you know, I’m just too afraid to comment further about that.
8. My Dad and I, while traveling, passed a large building in a rural area advertising a “Steer and Female sale.” I’m guessing many a cowboy went home disappointed that night when they discovered this was not a brick and mortar store for mail order brides.
9. An all time classic is the traffic sign found around many local parks and schools that says simply, “Slow Children at Play.” I’m thinking of petitioning that those signs be placed in and around the Rose Garden during basketball season.
10. Finally, this morning, I saw a bumper sticker which read, “Go ahead and swim in my toilet because I’m peeing in your pool.
Comments
I found your reference to spanking your boys disturbing. I only see perfect behavior from these talented and beautiful children at all times. Perhaps it is YOU who has the problem.
One may think how vicious could a couple of wienerdogs be...but let me tell you. Beware when hiking out in wilderness areas and you suddenly find yourself in the middle of a pack of wild wienerdogs. They would be weaving in and out of your legs until you fall down...then lick you on the neck until they get a vein up. Your a gonner my friend.
My boys exhibit perfect behavior for others because we spank them 3 times a day whether they need it or not.
Oh, and I certainly have a problem, but that ain't it.
Also, I'm going to rush deliver a new screenplay to Sam Jackson called Wienerdogs on a Plane. It's a can't miss.
The other thing I noticed on this same trip to London is how polite their advertising signs were. Instead of a garrish "All You Can Eat Buffet" sign outside the Pizza Hut, their sign read "Eat All You Would Like."
At McDonald's: Parking for Drive-Thru Service only