Happy Birthday America

I posted this as a comment to one of Randy Wray's blog posts which leaves me feeling a bit lame for simply recycling what I've already written, but I didn't post anything on the 4th here, so this will have to do until I get around to posting something new.

We celebrated the 4th in the traditional manner, exactly as the founding fathers intended as they wrote in the little known missing 146th Federalist Paper.

Here is an excerpt I memorized in a dank, forgotten library in Virginia while doing research for the new Dan Brown novel:

“…and that is how we know America will never lose its love for God, traditional family structures and the flag, all of which will be protected by the US Constitution 2.0 which will be offered to the various colonies at a discount this coming spring.

And now with regard to the celebration of America’s Day of Independence, it shall heretofore be celebrated by all right-thinking, God-fearing Americans as follows:

(1) The holliday shall be scheduled so as to allow the maximum days off from work except for Lawyers who should be forced to work every day of their sad, miserable, treacherous little lives;

(2) Every American shall eat something grilled over an open flame, preferably ground bits of butcher’s remains held together by an artificial skin to be eaten in a bun with a tomato based condiment;

(3) some form of apple dessert should be consumed be it pie or cobbler;

(4) if able, every American should view those Chinese thingies that fly in the air and explode and make pretty lights and simulate the artilery fire that ripped the flesh of young Americans on the battle field so that generations of children could enjoy the Chinese exploding devices instead of enduring the real thing;

(5) if unable to view the mock explosions, every American should instead gather around a flat platform of concrete, perhaps where horse and wagon are hitched or in the middle of the roadway, and light off a bunch of smaller exploding devices which shall be purchased for 10 times their actual value at the behest of small children who will immediately lose interest in them later and demand more apple dessert and finally;

(6) every community shall form a posse for the purpose of rounding up any hooligans still firing off explosive devices after 1am and force them to sit through American History lectures given by lawyers who couldn’t sleep through all the racket.”

In other words, there were friends and family and fireworks and we had a great time. All sarcasim aside, I love the 4th of July holliday and we had a great time this year blowing things up in the Church parking lot with our family.