Truckin'

I’ve been the “sports guy”, “that guy”, the “short guy”, the “old guy”, the “lawyer guy” and probably a bunch of other “guys” that I can’t even call to mind right now and even more that others say about me behind my back (oh yeah, and “paranoid guy”, I’ve been him too). But yesterday I became a different kind of guy. My family has never really had this guy despite my having 4 brothers. I’ve had friends who were this guy, but never really expected to be one myself. Yesterday, I finally traded in my reliable, but finally dying 1997 Honda CRV for a GMC Sierra full size pickup truck. So now, in addition to all the other guys I’ve been, I’m now a “truck guy.” Also, I have to say, it’s a truck guy’s truck. Not all rounded and pretty with glamorous accessories. It is perfectly boxy and seems to scream out “standard equipment.”

I’m still very new at this so I’m still trying to figure out what it all means to be a truck guy. Do I need a gun rack? How close am I to becoming a NASCAR Dad? Will the engine shut off if I play Hip Hop? Will a set of mud flaps with an improbably disproportionate reclining female silhouette come with my new license plates? Will I stop thinking cowboy hats worn in the city are silly?

(Movie quote interruption – Wayne’s girl – “Happy Birthday Wayne” – Wayne – “what is it?” – “It’s a gunrack!!” – “Why would I need a gunrack? I don’t even own a gun, much less many guns necessitating a gun rack.” Good stuff)

Anyway, the purchase of my truck (I keep saying “my truck”, but the reality is I think my wife is just as excited about its purchase as I am) is only one more drop in what has been a wave of practical decisions. It is really quite worrisome. First we sold our Hummer for a much less expensive (to own, fix, fill with gas, etc.) SUV. It is more practical in every way including that my wife likes it much more which has many very practical benefits for me. Then I finally abandoned Tivo for the much cheaper and thus more practical Directv equivalent (yes, I just claimed purchasing a new DVR was a practical decision. That’s how I roll…also, I say things like “that’s how I roll.”). And now, instead of getting some sports car or a convertible or something super flashy or fun, I got a solid, dependable, decidedly unflashy, truck.

Don’t get me wrong, It’s a nice truck and I admit I really like it, but it is completely practical. Good for hauling. Good for trips to the dump. Good for driving the kids around. Good for the bank account. Practical.

It is really quite disturbing. The one saving grace is that the stock stereo doesn’t even have a cd player which gives me all the excuse I need to purchase a new stereo and choose something less practical like a system that is set up for technology that I don’t even own yet or something like that. I mean if my day to day decisions all start making sense, I’m really going to have to do some soul searching.

Still, I like my new truck and may even like being a truck guy. I can help my friends move (yes that’s a plus. When you’ve had the charmed life I’ve had, if you don’t want to help other people, you might just be a genuinely bad person). I can haul the debris from my wife’s many home and yard beautification projects away. I can throw a couple lawn chairs and a blanket in the back and have great seats at a drive in movie theater. I can begin pretending those awful “This is my country” truck commercials were written just for me. The list goes on and on really.

Plus, there is something indescribably manly about driving a truck. I don’t really have “feeling manly enough” issues. My increasingly sasquatch-like appearance gives constant testimony to my Floyd Landis like Testosterone levels. Even still, you can be pretty girly and still feel like a man in a good old-fashioned GMC pickup. It’s pretty cool.

As I sit here typing this, I can’t help but wonder if a nice set of fog lamps and a lift kit aren’t in my future.