Wait, wait, don't tell me.

I know many people are going to disagree with me on today’s primary topic. I understand and appreciate that reasonable people can approach the same topic in good faith and with all sincerity, without ill-motive and making an equal effort to form a well-reasoned opinion and still disagree. I believe people’s differences should be respected and appreciated and then corrected if they disagree with me. In that spirit of tender, loving, compassionate self-righteousness, let’s continue.

First, some preliminary issues.

1. Way back when, near the beginning of this blog, I wrote some things about delis and sandwiches (nature’s perfect food), and they need some updating. First, I’m happy to report that the deli on the first floor of my building, the “Spicy Pickle” has seen fit to add a blackboard to their menu display. As you may recall, delis that have at least some of their menu written on a Blackboard are 97.4% more likely to be a place that makes a good sandwich than delis with no blackboard. This is a universal law. I was explaining this to one of the Pickle’s fine employees the other day while awaiting my sandwich. Apparently I was convincing as the Pickle has now added a blackboard. Second, and I should warn you here, the needle on your dork meter is about to be pegged at “Uber-Dork,” you may also recall that the Pickle was good enough to add “The Josh” to their menu, but had not formally added it to their sign. The Josh is the sandwich I order when I go to the Pickle. It is now offered, on the blackboard no less, along with their many other fine sandwich offerings. If Blogger will allow me, and I’m sure it won’t, I will post photographic evidence. If you find yourself downtown, stop in at the Pickle on 6th and Jefferson and order the Josh: Roast Beef on Ciabatta with basil and horseradish mayo, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and cheddar cheese. Mmmm mmmm.

2. I have to post a follow up to my last post about Christmas lights. Anyone who reads that post and then sees my house is going to think me insane, and because there are much better reasons to reach that opinion, in fairness to my other delusions, quirks, etc, I feel the need to clear something up. I do not have a lot of lights on my house. In fact, to call my approach “minimalist” is an understatement. My last post was not a description of this year’s ordeal, but rather commentary on my entire life’s experience with Christmas lights. This year, I finally learned my lesson and kept things simple. As a result, I came away without needing stitches and without having to wash my own mouth out with soap. All in all, a much better experience for all, which is no doubt largely why my wife is happy with the display this year as I’m sure she prefers fewer lights and correspondingly fewer complaints from her husband.

Ok, now on to the main point…

I have a thing about Christmas wish lists that I have to get off my chest. I don’t mean I keep actual lists on my chest, I’m much to hairy, but rather I feel compelled to offer my strongly held opinion on this, which makes this subject about like everything else.

For years now, I have refused to make a list of things that I want for Christmas (same for Birthday, Fathers Day, etc.). Even the question “what do you want for Christmas this year” will only be answered in the broadest of terms if at all. Not only that, but I don’t want to hear other people’s lists. I don’t want you, whoever you are, to tell me what you want for Christmas. Christmas wish lists are for children under the age of 10 and no one else.

(Tangent Alert: That last sentence would have been a likely place to see me add the word “period” as its own sentence at the end of that statemtent. For example, the Blazers need to trade Darius Miles right now. Period. Why do people do this? You’ve already put a period at the end of the sentence. The sentence isn’t any more complete by adding a second nonsensical sentence which says “Period.” It doesn’t add emphasis, it only adds redundancy. There is no place for that kind of tomfoolery in decent writing. Period.)

In my mind, the point of giving someone a gift is to express some feeling you have about them, to them. I get my kids gifts because I love them. Same with my wife and my family. I get my secretary a gift (oh, yikes, I still need to find something), because I appreciate her work and want to express that to her. Yes a sense of obligation often accompanies gift giving, but even that sense is usually born out of a desire to maintain a certain relationship status with another person. If you have told me what you want and I purchase that for you, the only statement I can possibly make is that I take orders well. I become like a living, breathing Amazon.com. Just tell me what you want and I will go make the purchase. No thanks.

For far too many people, gift exchange holidays have become about getting some item that you want, which misses the point entirely. The point of the gift is not what it is, but what it says. If you have or regularly do give someone your wish list, I mean no offense. I’m sure you are not a bad person or anything. Well, actually given the most recent statistics, odds are, you aren’t that great and probably don’t even floss, but we’ll let it slide and my point really isn’t to make you feel bad…or to get you to floss…which is gross. I’m sorry. It just is. Oh and painful. And yucky.

Anyway, to me, asking for specific items has two fundamental problems.

One, it is self-centered in a way that misses the point of a gift exchange. It makes the purchase of a gift all about you. It is liking asking for a compliment. Saying, “tell me I’m pretty” doesn’t do you any good because in the end, you don’t know if I thought you were pretty or just following instruction. And it’s obnoxious.

Two, it robs the gift giver of an opportunity to express some feeling of love, appreciation, respect, etc. As a culture, we don’t have too many socially sanctioned ways of making that kind of expression to most people and if you take away Christmas and Birthdays, etc by simply telling someone what to do for you, then what they do for you has no meaning and everyone loses…except the retailers.

If you want something, go get it. If you can’t afford it or it’s unpractical, maybe you should reconsider how much you want it until one of those characteristics changes. But even if you continue pining for it, as I do with many things, have the courtesy not to ask someone else to buy it for you. It ruins the experience for the giver and should ruin it for you.

Sadly, that last sentence may not be true for most people because they have turned gift giving holidays into nothing more than emotionless obligation. So, if I’m obligated to get something and I don’t know what is good to buy, it makes it easier to just be told. Likewise, if I feel like someone in my life is obligated to buy me something and I think they have no taste or no clue, why shouldn’t I get what I want? Why indeed? Why shouldn’t we all get what we want all the time?

Because we should spend at least a little of that time concerned about what someone else wants and figuring that out without being told remains one of the best ways to show you care. Don’t take that away from your friends and family. Even if they do.

I know, I know, you disagree. If only I got the lame gifts you do, I wouldn’t suggest this kind of thing and anyway I should get off my high horse and yadda yadda yadda.

Well, I’m not telling you what I want for Christmas. And if that means I get an ugly sweater that’s two sizes too small, but I know you really thought I would like it and got it for me because you really care, then I’m happier with that than anything that would be on my wish list! Exclamation Point.