Baracuda
This isn’t a political blog and I’m not going to turn it into one just because there is a Presidential race coming. But I was a Poly Sci major and absolutely, unabashedly, unapologetically love the United States of America. Before I became an attorney, my plan was to enter politics not because I am power hungry (though of course I am) or because I wanted the spotlight (though of course I did), but because I love the country America is and love even more who she might become. I relish the idea that I could use whatever talent God has given me to help America and Americans realize that dream. All of that to say, I have decided to run for President. Ok, not really, that preface was really just a way of saying, like it or not, I’m going to blog about American politics just for today.
Like most of the Country I was surprised to see that Sen. McCain chose Alaska Governor Sarah “Baracuda” Palin to be his VP running mate. Lots of people are going to say that he chose this young, unknown Alaskan because she is a woman. You will here that Sen. Clinton’s many women supporters were angry at the Obama nomination and not at all ready to embrace Obama and McCain saw an opening and seized on it cynically believing that women will vote for him just because he is running with a woman. Don’t buy it.
If anyone in national politics is actually paying attention, then they advised McCain to choose Palin for a completely different set of reasons. Here they are ranked from least to most important:
1. Soccer Moms and NASCAR Dads are so 2004. Hockey Moms will determine this election.
2. Palin is a card carrying member of the NRA which means she always has her NRA card with her which is nice when you forget to bring yours and the gun show has that Uzi you’ve been wanting, but you just can’t afford it without the NRA discount.
3. She has raised five children which gives her more executive experience than anyone else on either ticket. (Biased aside: I think it is hilarious that Obama’s camp came out immediately blasting Palin for her lack of experience. Uhhmmm….really? What meaningful thing has Obama ever run other than a campaign? Now maybe you’re ok with that and maybe you should be, but I think you have to be ok with both or neither).
4. She has the coolest nickname in politics. Nothing is even close. I mean consider the Presidents since Reagan:
a. Reagan – “Ronnie Ray Gun”
b. Bush – “Coattails”
c. Clinton – “Hillary”
d. Bush – “W” (others seen often on protest signs in Portland were not printable)
So, I know she’s just a VP nominee, but “Baracuda” is flat out cool.
5. And the real reason Palin was chosen (if people were paying attention)…and I’m not kidding about this one….
Personality. You want to know who is going to win the race for President? If history holds true, the winner of the race will be the candidate with the best personality. And by “history” I mean the last 30 years or so. Earlier than that and campaigning was too different to provide helpful insights.
In this instance personality is basically comprised of two overlapping characteristics. First, it means, the person who would be the most fun to be sitting next to at a dinner party. The answer to this question is usually “neither”, but one is usually at least slightly more appealing than the other. Second, it means “interesting.” As in, there is at least some chance they would be interested in talking about something other than the mortgage reform legislation or whether they should go with the boring red Brooks Brothers tie or the boring blue Brooks Brothers tie.
Usually, it is fairly easy to identify which candidate has the better personality based on this definition and more often than not it is not even debatable. Let’s have a little history lesson to make my point.
1980 – Reagan v. Carter – Carter had some personality, but nothing like Reagan. This isn’t even close. Great speaker, great looking, great suits, wife always wore bright colors and he was an actual movie star. Not close and neither was the election.
1984 – Reagan v. Mondale – Mondale and Ferraro were interesting, especially with the whole first woman angle, but it was mostly bad interesting, not good and Reagan was a freakin’ movie star for crying out loud.
1988 – Bush v. Dukakis – The first test of my theory. Bush had virtually no personality, but incredibly, the Democrats found someone with not only less but an annoying personality to run against him. Plus, Dukakis ran with uber-boring Lloyd Bentsen while Bush had handsome, charming, tongue-tied Dan Quayle to tip him over the edge. Not a blow out, but if you looked at the two tickets, the Bush side clearly had the better personality.
1992 – Bush v. Clinton – Not even close. Clinton played Sax, talked about his underwear on TV, charmed every woman within a 50 foot radius, and regularly played the part of the funny chubby guy that always livens up the party. Bush had no shot.
1996 – Clinton v. Dole – Apparently believing that even a bad personality was better than no personality, the Republicans offered up Dole to the slaughter. By that point Clinton was a walking one-man scandal machine with about as much credibility as the Chinese Olympic Committee, but had a way, way, way better personality. Easiest election to call since 1980.
2000 – Bush v. Gore – A wise-cracking oil brat who used to run his own Baseball team and could probably drink most fratboys under the table against Al Bore who only said something interesting when he was taking credit for something he had nothing to do with. Romy and Michelle thought Gore’s claims were outlandish. Not much of a contest, though clearly America remembered enough about H.W.’s personality to make it actually a very close contest
2004 – Bush v. Kerry – Kerry seemed like a nice enough guy who would be roughly as interesting at a party as chicken noodle soup without the chicken….or the noodles.
So, what will happen in 2008? Ask yourself who has the better personality. Right now, from what we’ve seen, it is Obama by a mile. Well, McCain can only do so much to make himself a more likeable and interesting as a person. His best bet, find a likeable interesting person to add to the ticket. How about a gun-toting, basketball playing, beauty pageant competing, corruption-fighting hockey mom named “Baracuda”? That interesting enough for you? Plus, she is the first woman on a Republican ticket for President, which is also interesting. Obama went super boring with Biden, so he left a small opening. McCain just went all-in on a suited 10/Jack needing a royal flush. He may have lost even without her, but Palin may have been McCain’s only option to stay in this race.
We’ll see.
Like most of the Country I was surprised to see that Sen. McCain chose Alaska Governor Sarah “Baracuda” Palin to be his VP running mate. Lots of people are going to say that he chose this young, unknown Alaskan because she is a woman. You will here that Sen. Clinton’s many women supporters were angry at the Obama nomination and not at all ready to embrace Obama and McCain saw an opening and seized on it cynically believing that women will vote for him just because he is running with a woman. Don’t buy it.
If anyone in national politics is actually paying attention, then they advised McCain to choose Palin for a completely different set of reasons. Here they are ranked from least to most important:
1. Soccer Moms and NASCAR Dads are so 2004. Hockey Moms will determine this election.
2. Palin is a card carrying member of the NRA which means she always has her NRA card with her which is nice when you forget to bring yours and the gun show has that Uzi you’ve been wanting, but you just can’t afford it without the NRA discount.
3. She has raised five children which gives her more executive experience than anyone else on either ticket. (Biased aside: I think it is hilarious that Obama’s camp came out immediately blasting Palin for her lack of experience. Uhhmmm….really? What meaningful thing has Obama ever run other than a campaign? Now maybe you’re ok with that and maybe you should be, but I think you have to be ok with both or neither).
4. She has the coolest nickname in politics. Nothing is even close. I mean consider the Presidents since Reagan:
a. Reagan – “Ronnie Ray Gun”
b. Bush – “Coattails”
c. Clinton – “Hillary”
d. Bush – “W” (others seen often on protest signs in Portland were not printable)
So, I know she’s just a VP nominee, but “Baracuda” is flat out cool.
5. And the real reason Palin was chosen (if people were paying attention)…and I’m not kidding about this one….
Personality. You want to know who is going to win the race for President? If history holds true, the winner of the race will be the candidate with the best personality. And by “history” I mean the last 30 years or so. Earlier than that and campaigning was too different to provide helpful insights.
In this instance personality is basically comprised of two overlapping characteristics. First, it means, the person who would be the most fun to be sitting next to at a dinner party. The answer to this question is usually “neither”, but one is usually at least slightly more appealing than the other. Second, it means “interesting.” As in, there is at least some chance they would be interested in talking about something other than the mortgage reform legislation or whether they should go with the boring red Brooks Brothers tie or the boring blue Brooks Brothers tie.
Usually, it is fairly easy to identify which candidate has the better personality based on this definition and more often than not it is not even debatable. Let’s have a little history lesson to make my point.
1980 – Reagan v. Carter – Carter had some personality, but nothing like Reagan. This isn’t even close. Great speaker, great looking, great suits, wife always wore bright colors and he was an actual movie star. Not close and neither was the election.
1984 – Reagan v. Mondale – Mondale and Ferraro were interesting, especially with the whole first woman angle, but it was mostly bad interesting, not good and Reagan was a freakin’ movie star for crying out loud.
1988 – Bush v. Dukakis – The first test of my theory. Bush had virtually no personality, but incredibly, the Democrats found someone with not only less but an annoying personality to run against him. Plus, Dukakis ran with uber-boring Lloyd Bentsen while Bush had handsome, charming, tongue-tied Dan Quayle to tip him over the edge. Not a blow out, but if you looked at the two tickets, the Bush side clearly had the better personality.
1992 – Bush v. Clinton – Not even close. Clinton played Sax, talked about his underwear on TV, charmed every woman within a 50 foot radius, and regularly played the part of the funny chubby guy that always livens up the party. Bush had no shot.
1996 – Clinton v. Dole – Apparently believing that even a bad personality was better than no personality, the Republicans offered up Dole to the slaughter. By that point Clinton was a walking one-man scandal machine with about as much credibility as the Chinese Olympic Committee, but had a way, way, way better personality. Easiest election to call since 1980.
2000 – Bush v. Gore – A wise-cracking oil brat who used to run his own Baseball team and could probably drink most fratboys under the table against Al Bore who only said something interesting when he was taking credit for something he had nothing to do with. Romy and Michelle thought Gore’s claims were outlandish. Not much of a contest, though clearly America remembered enough about H.W.’s personality to make it actually a very close contest
2004 – Bush v. Kerry – Kerry seemed like a nice enough guy who would be roughly as interesting at a party as chicken noodle soup without the chicken….or the noodles.
So, what will happen in 2008? Ask yourself who has the better personality. Right now, from what we’ve seen, it is Obama by a mile. Well, McCain can only do so much to make himself a more likeable and interesting as a person. His best bet, find a likeable interesting person to add to the ticket. How about a gun-toting, basketball playing, beauty pageant competing, corruption-fighting hockey mom named “Baracuda”? That interesting enough for you? Plus, she is the first woman on a Republican ticket for President, which is also interesting. Obama went super boring with Biden, so he left a small opening. McCain just went all-in on a suited 10/Jack needing a royal flush. He may have lost even without her, but Palin may have been McCain’s only option to stay in this race.
We’ll see.
Comments
Sorry, just had to beat everyone else to the punch.
I think Barracuda's selection was brilliant. I might be more incline to vote for her than McCain.
I also find myself more passionate about this election than I have been for QUITE some time. And pretty much on the other side of most of my co-bloggers.
So, yeah, I think I'll keep my pithiness to myself.
Too bad. It was really, really good.
I love this post! Thanks for the interesting insights.
I haven't heard the Baracuda tag. Hmmmh. Of course, we've been really busy and tied up around here for the past several days gearing up for Gustav, which is on its way out now without leaving much damage at all, thank God.
Thanks for all of your kind comments over at Finding Direction a couple of days ago and your prayers. You made my day when I got here to Jackson, Mississippi and was able to read my comments!
I'm planning on returning home in the morning, Lord willing, so y'all keep us in your prayers still.
Cheers & Blessings to you all today!
Dee
And don't worry about your nickname, I will come up with something.