The Wiggles Principle

If you are a parent with children between 2 and 10 years old, chances are you have heard of the Wiggles. This is not what happens when your barely potty trained 3 year old “really, really has to go.” This isn’t the uncontrollable urge that comes over kids whenever they are asked to sit still. No, The Wiggles are a group of four men who lacked the talent or notion to get a real job and so they donned bright primary color t-shirts, started mainlining sugar and caffeine and began singing silly children’s songs while showing off their inexplicable happiness.

Out of respect for you, the reader, I refuse to do research for this blog as the only place anyone does research anymore is the internet and unlike things on TV, everything on the internet is a pack of lies….unless it is on TV streaming over the internet, and then of course it is true. So, I could have some of my facts wrong here, but the Wiggles are 4 guys from Australia I think who sing children’s songs and have a kids TV show where they do skits and songs with the assistance of a person in a dinosaur costume and, since it is a children’s program, they of course also have a pirate. (do you think it was the murder, the rape or the general terrorism that made the pirate the perfectly suited historical figure for children’s entertainment? I’m torn.)

They also have a traveling show that I had the misfortune of taking my kids to see. Actually, at that time I think I only had one kid, which allowed me to learn the lesson and make sure that my second child was allowed to live a Wiggles-free existence. From what I can tell by the reaction of the thousands of people who flocked to the Rose Garden to see them, the Wiggles’ popularity is (or was at that time) approximately the same as the Beatles in their prime, if they had also cured cancer and brought lasting peace on earth. The people (kids and their parents) were crazy for this singing group.

(TANGENT ALERT: When did young American teen girls stop screaming uncontrollably and fainting at the sight of their favorite musicians? I see those clips of the Beatles and Elvis and people looked as if they are demon possessed. When did that kind of hyper epileptic behavior morph into dressing in black and piercing every inch of loose skin? I’m not sure which is more alarming, but I would like to know what brought about the change.)

Now, that a singing group would be popular is nothing new. And likewise, it is nothing out of the ordinary that there would be a popular kids show built primarily around silly songs. What makes the Wiggles truly extraordinary is that they lack any discernable talent whatsoever. Now to be fair, one Wiggle actually sings and plays guitar…if that’s really him playing (that’s one of 4 if you are scoring at home). Then one of them has a wildly amusing case of narcolepsy. The other two basically grin like they’re selling toothpaste, jump around frenetically and say things like “woo hoo hoo hoo.” Sadly, I’m not making any of this up.

They have some choreography that goes with the songs, but none of the guys can dance at all. They are not particularly good looking or fit or engaging. They are just 4 normal guys who sing songs about fruit salad and Capitan Feathersword, the pirate. Their show is not particularly educational and is in general completely nonsensical. They appear to have gone out of their way to avoid being clever or polished in anything that they do. From looking at the sets, special effects and costumes on their show, I would estimate the total production budget at about $48.00. I have complete confidence, that anyone reading this could find software to download that would create a TV show environment that appears more professional than the Wiggles.

So, just to recap that’s 4 guys who can’t really sing, dance or do anything well other than act happy, a couple characters with really bad costumes, no fancy sets, costumes or effects, silly songs, brightly colored t-shirts and a guy who falls asleep. And that, ladies and gentlemen is the formula for a children’s entertainment empire. No joke, the Wiggles are (or were at least) huge (see the 4th video to the left for confirmation...just astounding).

I learned some important lessons from my oldest son’s Wiggles period, but one lesson is so significant it merits it’s own principle. This is a principle of parenting so important that no parent should be allowed to leave the hospital with their newborn until they have demonstrated a full understanding of this concept.

Kids are easily entertained.

Maybe that seems simple and maybe even obvious, but we parents forget this all the time. Give a kid a present, he wants to play with the box. Buy your 2 year old something with bright colors and flashing lights and funny sounds and she would rather play with your keys or even the lent in their pocket. A series of connected metal bars sticking out of the ground in a park can entertain children nearly endlessly. The examples proving this rule are everywhere. We take our kids to Disneyland and of course they enjoy it, but if you are paying attention you realize that they seem to enjoy just being in the hotel room almost as much. If that hotel has a pool, even better.

Our tendency as parents is to overdo it for our kids. We throw them elaborate parties with ponies and clowns and Pixar characters. We spend thousands of dollars at giant amusement parks. We buy bigger and badder toys at an alarming rate. Time and money are treated as if they have no limits when we all know their limits are tighter than we would like. And then what do we discover after turning our life savings over to the Disney Corp? It is all for nothing.

You know my boys’ favorite activities? Wrestling with their Dad in the living room. Water fights with their mom on a hot afternoon. Making paper airplanes. Coloring with crayons. There are a few others, but they are in the same category. They require nearly no money, no particular talent, no travel, no $35 ice cream cones and no blinking lights and strange noises. Usually, it is just some attention from the parents combined with some simple frivolous activity.
That is the Wiggles principle. The Wiggles, are geniuses. They didn’t let their lack of talent stand in their way. They knew kids didn’t care if they sang like Josh Groban. They didn’t spend money on fancy sets and costumes because they knew kids don’t really care about that stuff. They didn’t spend hours coming up with clever lyrics to songs, because they knew kids are just as happy to sing: “Fruit salad, yummy yummy” until the adults in the room are trying to beat themselves unconscious with the remote control.

Kids enjoy flashy and clever, but they enjoy simple and fun just as much.

I got a good reminder of this principle this past weekend when my lovely wife and I took our boys to a large water/amusement park. We shelled out roughly what it costs to build a working space shuttle to go in the park, ride some rides, overpay for food and splash around in the various pools. The kids had a great, great time and so did we. I was thinking about how much fun it was and how worth it all the cost and travel had been and then I realized that as much as the boys liked the park, they liked jumping on the bed in our hotel room just as much. When we let them eat candy and then really ramped things up by wrestling with them on the beds in our hotel room, I am certain we eclipsed all the fun we had at the park. The boys would have been just as happy if we had driven 30 minutes away to a hotel and gone in and jumped on the bed for an hour and then splashed around in the tiny hotel pool for another hour.

It was a good reminder of the Wiggles Principle. We waste a lot of time and money trying to over stimulate our kids when all they really want is some of our attention and to get to be silly, which takes time, but generally no money. We would probably all be better off if the principle applied to adults too, but we have to practically be smacked upside the head by fun just to realize we are having it.

So now that my wife and I have once again learned the lesson of the Wiggles, how is it impacting our every day lives? Well for starters, we spent our trip home from Wild Waves Amusement Park planning next summer’s trip to Disneyland.

Hopefully the beds in the hotel are really bouncy because Disneyland is expensive.