Don't be a Hilton

Just checking in with a few things:

1. My family just left for vacation without me. I'm glad they get to go since I will be out of town anyway, but I always miss them terribly. Afterall, if the two supers in this picture greeted you every day after work, wouldn't you miss it too? As a consolation for being without my lovely wife and our two oft-costumed offspring, I am at the Biltmore this week at a conference. The Biltmore outside of Phoenix is a ridiculously posh place that I could never afford to stay at if I were paying. My blog question for the day for all of you who may be reading this (and if you are not reading this, how do you know I’m talking about you?), is what, in your mind, makes a hotel, resort, vacation cabin, etc, great? What takes it from the “that’s a pretty nice place” to “oh my word, that is a spectacular place” Is it the view? The setting? The room? The complimentary robe? The food? The memories? The lobby?

I have noticed that a hallmark of expensive hotels is that they spend all their money in the lobby. Personally, I think that’s a great way to describe someone who has a terrible personality and character but takes great and constant pains to look beautiful. We can call that person a “Hilton” This works on several levels. First, the “nicest” Hiltons I’ve ever stayed in had spectacular lobbies and mediocre and smallish rooms. Tell me you don’t know someone who looks pretty if you don’t go past the “lobby” but go any further and it gets ugly and small. Plus, Paris and whatever her sister is named have to be two poster children for this phenomenon, though I don’t really think even the lobby’s all that nice….if you know what I mean…and now I’m not sure I even do….but I think you get my point and in the end that is nearly as good as you actually getting it.

Anyway, I’m at the Biltmore this week and it should be nice. Good conference on automotive litigation, I like the people from my firm who are going, I get to see a Giants spring training game, and I stay in a place for free where I couldn’t even afford the complimentary robe. No complaining allowed.

2. No Pirates update today. Practice was rained out. So far all I really know is that the coaches have named baseball positions “the ape” (ready in the field, arms loose, knees bent), “the alligator” (scooping a ground ball into the glove) and “the scare crow” (getting in proper position to throw the ball). This is a brilliant teaching move on their part as they struggle to keep the attention of their 6 year olds. But it also makes me hope that someone might at some point mistakenly bug my house under the patriot act so they can spend weeks wondering why suddenly, I know sit in my living room shouting: “show me the ape. Now the scarecrow. Back to the ape. Show me an alligator. Faster, faster, really chomp those teeth. Don’t throw that in here. Ummmph….ahhhhgggg…why did you just throw that so hard? I’m right here. Just toss it softly and wait until I’m ready. No, no, it’s ok, I’m ok…just make sure I know before you throw it… Now, APE!!!!” I mean if you thought I was up to no good, what might you think of all that? Just amuses me.

3. I’ve posted something new on my sports blog if you are interested in that sort of thing.

4. To follow up on a previous post, it does not look like I’ll be able to make it to the Pepperdine lectures this year. Very disappointing. Wish I could finally get to meet some of you.

5. Finally, in response to a loyal blog reader (and by loyal I mean she knows I have a blog), I thought I would throw my support behind solving a terrible problem facing the restaurant industry in our country. That is, when you order a Hamburger, you should not have to say “hold the cheese.” We have selected cheese out of all the burger toppings (undeserved if you ask me) to have and define it’s own burger. We have the cheeseburger. A cheeseburger resembles but is not the same as a hamburger, because the existence of a cheeseburger means that a hamburger does not, by definition, have cheese. If it has cheese, it’s not a hamburger, it’s a cheeseburger. So, when you order a hamburger, you should be able to do so without having to remember to ask for no cheese. On a related note (only in my mind), when I’m at Red Robin and I order the Whiskey River BBQ Burger (my fav), the waitperson often asks me “would you like the burger or the chicken sandwich?” What? I just ordered the “Whiskey River BURGER” if I wanted the chicken sandwhich would I have called it a burger? Why do they ask that? Why not ask, “and by burger, did you mean onion ringis?” Are there really that many people that confused about what a burger is? Does this need it’s own chapter in my food rules book? I wonder.

That’s all for now.