Business in Medford
I’m in beautiful Medford, Or this week taking depositions. More on that in a moment. City snobs like me from the “big city” up in Portland often look down our noses at the smaller, less urbanely refined towns and cities in our fair state and their inhabitants. The thing is, you actually have to put some effort into finding a really crummy part of Oregon. They’re out there (I will not name names), but they are pretty rare and Medford isn’t one of them. Sure it sounds like they named the town after a muppet and sure it doesn’t have quite the charm or outside appeal of neighboring Ashland, but Medford’s a pretty nice town. Beautiful surrounding area, state of the art medical facilities, enough “city” to have some good places to eat and shop, but small enough to still have some quaint charm. Overall, it’s pretty nice and certainly not a bad place to spend a few days, or raise a family or ride an ATV while shooting varmints with a hand gun…or so I’m told. My point is, I like Medford.
Oh, on an unrelated note, this blog is sponsored by the Medford Chamber of Commerce.
I’m down here in Medford to take depositions in an asbestos case. Since this is an active case, I don’t want to say anything about this particular deposition or the attorneys involved. Well, I want to, but I won’t. I won’t discuss how rude and obnoxious the lawyer on the other side is or the fact that he is wearing a horrible white suit that would make Diddy rethink his famous “white party.” I’m not going to even mention the burgundy shirt he chose to really highlight the fact that parts of the suit seem to be translucent. Besides, to bring that kind of thing up, even about a guy going out of his way to be a tool to total strangers, would, in addition to being inappropriate, be quite petty and rude. So, we’ll just talk in some generalities to give you a window into the glamorous world of a corporate/products liability/complex litigation attorney. In fact, I’m selling the movie rights to a new action movie franchise called: “Colt Reese: Corporate/products liability/complex litigation attorney.” I’m hoping to get Ryan Phillipe or Hayden Christianson (are we sure they aren’t the same people?) or someone else who won’t make anyone feel badly about their own inability to act, to play the lead.
I remain convinced, as do the programming directors at the major TV studios, that people want to hear more and more about the lives of attorneys. I find that people never tire of hearing me talk about being a lawyer. I mean people are really busy and they are not always able to make time to listen, but it’s not because they don’t want to…trust me.
So, I thought I might provide a sort of running diary of what usually happens in an asbestos deposition. For some reason I feel like I have done this before, but I’m too lazy to check back to see if this information has already been posted here, so just bear with me.
SUNDAY
2:15pm – Arrive home from lunch after Church and unload the preparation materials for the deposition set to start on Monday.
2:16pm – kick one’s self for not preparing for the deposition on Saturday.
2:18pm – decide to give my self a break and settle into the recliner to watch (fill in seasonal sporting event here), just for 15 minutes.
4:56pm – wake up from nap, wipe drool off of deposition materials, curse myself for falling asleep, get up to get ready and get the boys ready to go to Praise Team practice at Church. Discover that mactastic wife has already gotten boys ready, apologize to wife, change clothes into something marginally presentable and leave for practice.
9:15pm – arrive home from PT practice and dinner. Put boys to bed. Take depo materials into office to study them there away from the distraction of the TV. Spend 1.3 hours managing fantasy football/basketball teams on line.
10:30pm – meet they guys for a movie, but carefully choose the shortest movie available to leave plenty of time to go through depo materials later.
12:50am – arrive home from movie and “get serious” about depo prep in the recliner.
1:04am – wake up in panic that it is morning already, wipe more drool off of materials, slam 4 cans of diet Pepsi and eat half a bag of tortilla chips for “fuel.”
1:15am – 3:15am – Review employment records, medical records, pleadings, correspondences, discovery requests and basketball statistical spread sheets in preparation for deposition.
3:15am – 6:30am – Use special Zen meditation techniques to continue preparing for deposition while sleeping.
MONDAY
7:00am – form clear vision for solutions to most of the world’s problems, including determining the precise correct approach to the day’s upcoming deposition, while in shower.
7:15am – forget most of my vision while toweling off after the shower.
8:55am – arrive at deposition location
9:10am – plaintiff’s counsel arrives for the deposition and sneers at everyone as if it is our fault he is late.
9:10-9:35am – plaintiff’s counsel pontificates about how good his case is and how we are all going to be in “big trouble” and then generally blathers on about how evil and incompetent all the defense counsel are.
9:35 – 11:35am – clearly establish the following information: Plaintiff is not completely insane or too hopped up on meds to answer questions; the names and addresses of everyone living or dead, that is related to Plaintiff (this information is always sought and never, ever used); Plaintiff’s educational background which will later be used to remind Plaintiff that even if my client’s product did cause the alleged shortness of breath late in this man’s 70s, Plaintiff’s having dropped out of highschool may have more to do with his failure to become an astronaut than did my client’s product.
11:35-12:00pm – argue with other attorneys about whether we are going to take a lunch break
12:00pm – take lunch break to last no more than 1 hour with strong encouragement to return after 45 minutes
1:20pm – Defense counsel return from lunch
1:45pm – Plaintiff’s counsel returns from lunch complaining about how it is impossible to find a good place to eat in _________ (fill in name of city here)
2:00-3:00pm – Discuss Plaintiff’s summer job picking strawberries as a Boy Scout fundraiser.
3:04pm – Body goes into full shut down from intense boredom and inactivity.
3:07pm – assemble portable IV equipment and begin mainlining diet pepsi in a desperate last ditch effort to remain conscious.
3:10pm – snap awake, wipe drool from chin and glance around furtively trying to determine whether anyone else saw you sleeping.
3:15-3:40pm – argue with other attorneys concerning how long we will be going with the deposition today before continuing tomorrow.
4:00pm – break for the day and argue about when we will resume the deposition the next day.
And that’s my life in these depositions. Now who wouldn’t want to watch a movie about that?
More from Medford later.
Oh, on an unrelated note, this blog is sponsored by the Medford Chamber of Commerce.
I’m down here in Medford to take depositions in an asbestos case. Since this is an active case, I don’t want to say anything about this particular deposition or the attorneys involved. Well, I want to, but I won’t. I won’t discuss how rude and obnoxious the lawyer on the other side is or the fact that he is wearing a horrible white suit that would make Diddy rethink his famous “white party.” I’m not going to even mention the burgundy shirt he chose to really highlight the fact that parts of the suit seem to be translucent. Besides, to bring that kind of thing up, even about a guy going out of his way to be a tool to total strangers, would, in addition to being inappropriate, be quite petty and rude. So, we’ll just talk in some generalities to give you a window into the glamorous world of a corporate/products liability/complex litigation attorney. In fact, I’m selling the movie rights to a new action movie franchise called: “Colt Reese: Corporate/products liability/complex litigation attorney.” I’m hoping to get Ryan Phillipe or Hayden Christianson (are we sure they aren’t the same people?) or someone else who won’t make anyone feel badly about their own inability to act, to play the lead.
I remain convinced, as do the programming directors at the major TV studios, that people want to hear more and more about the lives of attorneys. I find that people never tire of hearing me talk about being a lawyer. I mean people are really busy and they are not always able to make time to listen, but it’s not because they don’t want to…trust me.
So, I thought I might provide a sort of running diary of what usually happens in an asbestos deposition. For some reason I feel like I have done this before, but I’m too lazy to check back to see if this information has already been posted here, so just bear with me.
SUNDAY
2:15pm – Arrive home from lunch after Church and unload the preparation materials for the deposition set to start on Monday.
2:16pm – kick one’s self for not preparing for the deposition on Saturday.
2:18pm – decide to give my self a break and settle into the recliner to watch (fill in seasonal sporting event here), just for 15 minutes.
4:56pm – wake up from nap, wipe drool off of deposition materials, curse myself for falling asleep, get up to get ready and get the boys ready to go to Praise Team practice at Church. Discover that mactastic wife has already gotten boys ready, apologize to wife, change clothes into something marginally presentable and leave for practice.
9:15pm – arrive home from PT practice and dinner. Put boys to bed. Take depo materials into office to study them there away from the distraction of the TV. Spend 1.3 hours managing fantasy football/basketball teams on line.
10:30pm – meet they guys for a movie, but carefully choose the shortest movie available to leave plenty of time to go through depo materials later.
12:50am – arrive home from movie and “get serious” about depo prep in the recliner.
1:04am – wake up in panic that it is morning already, wipe more drool off of materials, slam 4 cans of diet Pepsi and eat half a bag of tortilla chips for “fuel.”
1:15am – 3:15am – Review employment records, medical records, pleadings, correspondences, discovery requests and basketball statistical spread sheets in preparation for deposition.
3:15am – 6:30am – Use special Zen meditation techniques to continue preparing for deposition while sleeping.
MONDAY
7:00am – form clear vision for solutions to most of the world’s problems, including determining the precise correct approach to the day’s upcoming deposition, while in shower.
7:15am – forget most of my vision while toweling off after the shower.
8:55am – arrive at deposition location
9:10am – plaintiff’s counsel arrives for the deposition and sneers at everyone as if it is our fault he is late.
9:10-9:35am – plaintiff’s counsel pontificates about how good his case is and how we are all going to be in “big trouble” and then generally blathers on about how evil and incompetent all the defense counsel are.
9:35 – 11:35am – clearly establish the following information: Plaintiff is not completely insane or too hopped up on meds to answer questions; the names and addresses of everyone living or dead, that is related to Plaintiff (this information is always sought and never, ever used); Plaintiff’s educational background which will later be used to remind Plaintiff that even if my client’s product did cause the alleged shortness of breath late in this man’s 70s, Plaintiff’s having dropped out of highschool may have more to do with his failure to become an astronaut than did my client’s product.
11:35-12:00pm – argue with other attorneys about whether we are going to take a lunch break
12:00pm – take lunch break to last no more than 1 hour with strong encouragement to return after 45 minutes
1:20pm – Defense counsel return from lunch
1:45pm – Plaintiff’s counsel returns from lunch complaining about how it is impossible to find a good place to eat in _________ (fill in name of city here)
2:00-3:00pm – Discuss Plaintiff’s summer job picking strawberries as a Boy Scout fundraiser.
3:04pm – Body goes into full shut down from intense boredom and inactivity.
3:07pm – assemble portable IV equipment and begin mainlining diet pepsi in a desperate last ditch effort to remain conscious.
3:10pm – snap awake, wipe drool from chin and glance around furtively trying to determine whether anyone else saw you sleeping.
3:15-3:40pm – argue with other attorneys concerning how long we will be going with the deposition today before continuing tomorrow.
4:00pm – break for the day and argue about when we will resume the deposition the next day.
And that’s my life in these depositions. Now who wouldn’t want to watch a movie about that?
More from Medford later.
Comments
Tim is in Medford today and tomorrow. I told him to follow the trail of drool should he wish to contact you.
If Oregon is as nice (including Medford)as nice you say it is, I need to make a Oregon road trip.
Shalom,
Bobby Valentine
If they were casting me in a movie, I'm thinking you'd be looking for a less attractive Ben Stiller or...actually, maybe Jeremy Piven.