Watch Your Language
I have a problem.
I understand that making a statement like that is the "first step." Toward what I'm not sure, but it is the first step and we're often told that the first step is the most important. Of course, unless it is a very short journey, that second step is fairly important as well. Unfortunately, while I know that admitting you have a problem is the first step, I have no idea what the second step is. Since, no one has imparted this wisdom to me, I will simply add some of my own and say that the second step is "embrace it." That's right, admit you have a problem and then get in there and make that problem all that it can be.
So far, this approach has served me well with fantasy sports, general sports addiction, overcompetitiveness, Pepsi addiction and many other problems that I have over time admitted (step one) and embraced (step two). As it turns out, embracing a problem tends to leave little additional time to seek out step 3 or 4, so I'll just leave it at that.
One of my problems is that people say crazy things and it gets under my skin and begins to bug me. It doesn't bug me as much as politicians who ask us to give them more of our money because we can't fund education while they spend our money investigating steroid use in baseball, but at least as much as the popcorn husk that holds to the inside of your gum with some sort of nuclear fusion process, defying all tongue-spraining attempts to wrest it from its lodging until that moment where a simple inhale of breath will send it floating gently toward the back of your neck until it lands squarely on your gag reflex.
Over the years, I've been compiling a list of the things that people say that drive me crazy and for no reason in particular, I've decided to share a couple with you. In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that I have, at one time or another, said almost all of these things. They are also spoken by some of the most intelligent, well-educated, articulate people I know. I can't possibly think less of people who say them...unless you continue to say them after reading this and then I will have no choice but to believe you are doing it to spite me and I will vow to avenge this obvious personal insult.
Did I mention I have a problem? Ok, moving on.
1. Irregardless - Not a word. You are welcome to go with "irrespective" or "regardless", but not irregardless. If it were a word, it would mean the exact opposite of what it is used to express. Please do not ever say it again and do your level best to shame anyone who does.
2. "I could care less." While there is nothing technically wrong with this expression, it generally means the opposite of what is intended to communicate and at best adds nothing to the discussion. I believe the expression you may be searching for when this one pops out is "I could NOT care less." This of course means that you don't care about whatever it is you're talking about at all. Not even a little. You are trying to think how you could care about that thing less than you do, but alas, you can not. (Of course, some philosophers would say that your recognition of how little you care about something is irrefutable evidence that you could in fact care less about that thing...but that's not my point here). The non-expression "I could care less" means that you actually do care some about the item in question. So, when you say, "I could care less what Brad and his large lipped bride's baby looks like." That actually means, you DO care at least a little. And judging from the attention that topic is getting in the "news" media you would not be alone. But if you mean to say that you DON'T care about something, you need to say "I could not care less." For example, "I could not care less that the way I talk bothers you so much you lunatic" would be an appropriate use of that expression.
3. "a whole nother." You rarely see this one in print because it would simply shine a light on how silly this is, but people say it all the time. "I could tell you about the time I tricked my wife into visiting French Lick, Indiana and then got lost and got our moving truck stuck in the middle of nowhere, but that's a whole nother story." Please, read this next statement very carefully. There is no such word as "nother." It is not an adjective to describe stories or situations or things. The word is "another" and is a single word having combined the words "an" and "other." If you must separate them with the use of some qualifier, please do not separate the word "an" and leave the orphaned "n" to begin and create a new utterance which poses as a word. Just for kicks, try "an entirely different" or "another _____ altogether." These completely correct and non-irritating expressions serve the same purpose as the more popular but nonsensical "a whole nother." Also for kicks, now try to go a whole day without hearing someone use the "word" "nother." I bet you can't.
Ok, that's all for now. There are many more and I'm sure I will mention most of them at some point, but I feel better having shared these. Perhaps that is the mysterious 3rd step after all. First admit, then embrace, then try to convince others that you're right. 9 more steps and I'll be ready to hold meetings.
I understand that making a statement like that is the "first step." Toward what I'm not sure, but it is the first step and we're often told that the first step is the most important. Of course, unless it is a very short journey, that second step is fairly important as well. Unfortunately, while I know that admitting you have a problem is the first step, I have no idea what the second step is. Since, no one has imparted this wisdom to me, I will simply add some of my own and say that the second step is "embrace it." That's right, admit you have a problem and then get in there and make that problem all that it can be.
So far, this approach has served me well with fantasy sports, general sports addiction, overcompetitiveness, Pepsi addiction and many other problems that I have over time admitted (step one) and embraced (step two). As it turns out, embracing a problem tends to leave little additional time to seek out step 3 or 4, so I'll just leave it at that.
One of my problems is that people say crazy things and it gets under my skin and begins to bug me. It doesn't bug me as much as politicians who ask us to give them more of our money because we can't fund education while they spend our money investigating steroid use in baseball, but at least as much as the popcorn husk that holds to the inside of your gum with some sort of nuclear fusion process, defying all tongue-spraining attempts to wrest it from its lodging until that moment where a simple inhale of breath will send it floating gently toward the back of your neck until it lands squarely on your gag reflex.
Over the years, I've been compiling a list of the things that people say that drive me crazy and for no reason in particular, I've decided to share a couple with you. In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that I have, at one time or another, said almost all of these things. They are also spoken by some of the most intelligent, well-educated, articulate people I know. I can't possibly think less of people who say them...unless you continue to say them after reading this and then I will have no choice but to believe you are doing it to spite me and I will vow to avenge this obvious personal insult.
Did I mention I have a problem? Ok, moving on.
1. Irregardless - Not a word. You are welcome to go with "irrespective" or "regardless", but not irregardless. If it were a word, it would mean the exact opposite of what it is used to express. Please do not ever say it again and do your level best to shame anyone who does.
2. "I could care less." While there is nothing technically wrong with this expression, it generally means the opposite of what is intended to communicate and at best adds nothing to the discussion. I believe the expression you may be searching for when this one pops out is "I could NOT care less." This of course means that you don't care about whatever it is you're talking about at all. Not even a little. You are trying to think how you could care about that thing less than you do, but alas, you can not. (Of course, some philosophers would say that your recognition of how little you care about something is irrefutable evidence that you could in fact care less about that thing...but that's not my point here). The non-expression "I could care less" means that you actually do care some about the item in question. So, when you say, "I could care less what Brad and his large lipped bride's baby looks like." That actually means, you DO care at least a little. And judging from the attention that topic is getting in the "news" media you would not be alone. But if you mean to say that you DON'T care about something, you need to say "I could not care less." For example, "I could not care less that the way I talk bothers you so much you lunatic" would be an appropriate use of that expression.
3. "a whole nother." You rarely see this one in print because it would simply shine a light on how silly this is, but people say it all the time. "I could tell you about the time I tricked my wife into visiting French Lick, Indiana and then got lost and got our moving truck stuck in the middle of nowhere, but that's a whole nother story." Please, read this next statement very carefully. There is no such word as "nother." It is not an adjective to describe stories or situations or things. The word is "another" and is a single word having combined the words "an" and "other." If you must separate them with the use of some qualifier, please do not separate the word "an" and leave the orphaned "n" to begin and create a new utterance which poses as a word. Just for kicks, try "an entirely different" or "another _____ altogether." These completely correct and non-irritating expressions serve the same purpose as the more popular but nonsensical "a whole nother." Also for kicks, now try to go a whole day without hearing someone use the "word" "nother." I bet you can't.
Ok, that's all for now. There are many more and I'm sure I will mention most of them at some point, but I feel better having shared these. Perhaps that is the mysterious 3rd step after all. First admit, then embrace, then try to convince others that you're right. 9 more steps and I'll be ready to hold meetings.
Comments
This might be up there with "can you keep a secret" as one of the all-time most worthless questions.
Plus, you should be concerned if someone is making a lot of statements about how reliable they are. Statements like "to be honest", "trust me", "this is a true story, I swear" can probably all be roughly translated, "I'm just making this up as I go along."