Negligent Parenting
Two 13 year old boys have been charged with breaking into their school and attempting to rape an assistant principal who was working at the time. 13. 13!!! It makes my stomach turn and makes me sad and angry and disappointed. It also makes me wonder, are we doing all we can as a society to keep things like that from happening?
One of the heavy burdens we have put on our legal system is the responsibility to mold society. Our legal system punishes unwanted conduct for the sake of justice and compensates the injured in the name of fairness, but as much as any other goal, our legal system is designed to motivate certain behavior we deem desirable. In the regulatory arena, that is the primary goal. We fine companies who pollute primarily because we want them to stop polluting.
In the civil and criminal arenas controlling behavior is only one of the three goals (at least 3) that I mentioned above. But it is with that goal in mind that I find myself wondering, when should parents be held civilly or criminally liable. Would it make the world a better place if parents thought they could be sued or put in jail if they made no effort to parent? What if using illegal drugs meant that you could be put in jail if your child committed a drug related crime? What if failing to read to your children could make you civilly liable if your child committed a crime up to the age of 30? Would more people read to their kids? Wouldn’t that be good?
Maybe you’re saying, “yeah, but what’s the connection between reading and crime?” Maybe nothing. The point is just to modify behavior. What’s the connection between your kid disobeying you and taking away their favorite toy? Maybe nothing, but if the kid wants the toy he obeys next time and that’s the goal. What if the goal was that parents read more to their kids or spend a minimum about of time with them in a week or month or don’t smoke around them, or whatever? Wouldn’t more people do these things if they knew they could be held responsible for their kids growing up to be criminals?
Even considering it should scare parents to death. After all, I mostly just stumble around in the dark as a parent and hope my children survive the experience (of course, thanks to my wife they actually thrive, but she’s pretty extraordinary). Can parents really control their children? Is it their fault when one turns out bad? Our sense of justice may argue for staying away from this. Our desire to compensate victims would be served to a small degree. But what about the power of the legal system to actually modify behavior.
For example, let’s say we agree that kids are individuals that are going to make their own decisions and even the “best” parents can raise “bad” kids despite their best efforts. But even then ask yourself if, as a parent, there is anything different you would do if you knew you could be held liable for the wrongs of your kids if they could be linked back to your decisions in raising them. Then, if the answer to that question is “yes,” ask yourself whether those changes you made would better society in general if they were made by more people. If the answer to that question is also yes, then you have to at least entertain the possibility that we may be missing a way to improve ourselves.
My guess is most of the people reading this blog try as hard as they can as parents as it is and neither they nor their children would benefit from the threat of legal action if their kid got into trouble. But would that be true in every home?
Really, I’m not for this at all. And I hate judging other people’s parenting since I am such a novice myself. Plus, I don’t think government has any business trying to dictate to parents the way they parent so long as they are not hurting their children in some tangible way. The government would be terrible regulators of parenting. I don’t want the government telling me I can’t spank or take their toys to my office because when is it going to be my turn to play with the legos already??? But when really young children do really horrible things, I have to ask what’s going on with the parents? And sometimes the answer will be, “nothing, it is all on the kid.” But sometimes, dare I say most times, the answer is, the parents have let that child down.
I think the best application for this line of thought is this. Between abuse, drugs, dead beats, kids having kids, hyper selfishness, immorality, Godlessness, and various other factors, I think many of our problems stem from parenting disasters. We don’t want to have to start putting parents in jail for the crimes of their kids. We don’t want government regulating how you parent. So, who can step in and provide education, support and love for the millions of parents who are failing and raising millions of kids who will terrorize society before failing at being parents themselves?
If only there was some organization built around the idea that all people have value and should be loved. Some place who believed that their mission was to help the people that need it most. Some place that thought God Himself had ordered them on this mission. Some place where people strove for morality and selflessness and supported the people around them when they were not strong enough in that pursuit.
That’s the kind of group I would want to take an active role in trying to help people be better parents. Of course, there are groups like this everywhere. I lead worship for one every Sunday. I hope we step up before we are all being sued for negligent parenting. Don’t think it can’t happen.
One of the heavy burdens we have put on our legal system is the responsibility to mold society. Our legal system punishes unwanted conduct for the sake of justice and compensates the injured in the name of fairness, but as much as any other goal, our legal system is designed to motivate certain behavior we deem desirable. In the regulatory arena, that is the primary goal. We fine companies who pollute primarily because we want them to stop polluting.
In the civil and criminal arenas controlling behavior is only one of the three goals (at least 3) that I mentioned above. But it is with that goal in mind that I find myself wondering, when should parents be held civilly or criminally liable. Would it make the world a better place if parents thought they could be sued or put in jail if they made no effort to parent? What if using illegal drugs meant that you could be put in jail if your child committed a drug related crime? What if failing to read to your children could make you civilly liable if your child committed a crime up to the age of 30? Would more people read to their kids? Wouldn’t that be good?
Maybe you’re saying, “yeah, but what’s the connection between reading and crime?” Maybe nothing. The point is just to modify behavior. What’s the connection between your kid disobeying you and taking away their favorite toy? Maybe nothing, but if the kid wants the toy he obeys next time and that’s the goal. What if the goal was that parents read more to their kids or spend a minimum about of time with them in a week or month or don’t smoke around them, or whatever? Wouldn’t more people do these things if they knew they could be held responsible for their kids growing up to be criminals?
Even considering it should scare parents to death. After all, I mostly just stumble around in the dark as a parent and hope my children survive the experience (of course, thanks to my wife they actually thrive, but she’s pretty extraordinary). Can parents really control their children? Is it their fault when one turns out bad? Our sense of justice may argue for staying away from this. Our desire to compensate victims would be served to a small degree. But what about the power of the legal system to actually modify behavior.
For example, let’s say we agree that kids are individuals that are going to make their own decisions and even the “best” parents can raise “bad” kids despite their best efforts. But even then ask yourself if, as a parent, there is anything different you would do if you knew you could be held liable for the wrongs of your kids if they could be linked back to your decisions in raising them. Then, if the answer to that question is “yes,” ask yourself whether those changes you made would better society in general if they were made by more people. If the answer to that question is also yes, then you have to at least entertain the possibility that we may be missing a way to improve ourselves.
My guess is most of the people reading this blog try as hard as they can as parents as it is and neither they nor their children would benefit from the threat of legal action if their kid got into trouble. But would that be true in every home?
Really, I’m not for this at all. And I hate judging other people’s parenting since I am such a novice myself. Plus, I don’t think government has any business trying to dictate to parents the way they parent so long as they are not hurting their children in some tangible way. The government would be terrible regulators of parenting. I don’t want the government telling me I can’t spank or take their toys to my office because when is it going to be my turn to play with the legos already??? But when really young children do really horrible things, I have to ask what’s going on with the parents? And sometimes the answer will be, “nothing, it is all on the kid.” But sometimes, dare I say most times, the answer is, the parents have let that child down.
I think the best application for this line of thought is this. Between abuse, drugs, dead beats, kids having kids, hyper selfishness, immorality, Godlessness, and various other factors, I think many of our problems stem from parenting disasters. We don’t want to have to start putting parents in jail for the crimes of their kids. We don’t want government regulating how you parent. So, who can step in and provide education, support and love for the millions of parents who are failing and raising millions of kids who will terrorize society before failing at being parents themselves?
If only there was some organization built around the idea that all people have value and should be loved. Some place who believed that their mission was to help the people that need it most. Some place that thought God Himself had ordered them on this mission. Some place where people strove for morality and selflessness and supported the people around them when they were not strong enough in that pursuit.
That’s the kind of group I would want to take an active role in trying to help people be better parents. Of course, there are groups like this everywhere. I lead worship for one every Sunday. I hope we step up before we are all being sued for negligent parenting. Don’t think it can’t happen.
Comments
Your question is a valid one, and even while attempting to understand that different families do things in different ways and have different values,one would think (hope?)that basic civil behaviors would automatically be taught, and yet time after time they are not.
What fascinates me are the kids who come out of the most horrible environments and turn out wonderful. Perhaps they had ONE person in ther life who encouraged and mentored them.
Perhaps it is you.
If I did not believe in the power of prayer, I would go nuts.
YESTERDAY.
I was worried about whether anyone was taking me seriously. Not plotting with a friend to go attack our asst. principal.
There is certainly a "probability" involved which is a no-brainer when it comes to a connection between involved parents and "successful" kids. Yet, I've seen the same set of variables result in the type of "animal type" behavior as exhibited by the two 13 year olds you mentioned.
I think for the most part, "involved" parents hold themselves accountable while un-involved parents are sometimes impossible to reach by phone or email, much less able to be held to some level of accountability. I must say that the idea at times is an interesting one.