StumpTown watches TV

I will confess that I like watching TV. For fiction, I prefer TV and Movies to books. I know that makes me shallow and brainless and so on, but I felt it better to just come clean from the outset. That said, my schedule doesn’t really allow me to watch a ton of TV (though my wife begs to differ), especially if you don’t count sports, but I’m sure this post will have you thinking otherwise.

One more qualifier. TV, Movies and Music are creative, artistic endeavors (mostly) and like all of them, their quality or value is to some degree (not as much as people think, but some) subjective. So, I know that it is very likely that I will hate something that you love. I also know that this offends people. So, please understand that I mean no offense and in spite of my forceful opinions, we can still be friends if we disagree about whether a movie like Fever Pitch is worth watching.

Anyway, enough qualifiers.

I plan to watch more than I ever end up watching at least in part because from Sunday to Saturday, my evening schedule often looks something like this.

Sunday – various Church meetings followed by dinner with the family and then guys night at the movies – No TV except maybe an hour of football in the afternoon and some highlights after the movie while I fall asleep in the living room at 1:30am.

Monday – At home with the family – No TV before the kids are in bed at 8, except for MNF about once a month. Fortunately, my one time this month was last night. Terrible ending, but great game. Plus Marion Barber and TO both had off nights giving me a rare fantasy football victory which is always a bonus.

Tuesday – weekly basketball game – no TV except for maybe an episode of some show my wife doesn’t care about after I get home from ball and she is in bed.
Wednesday – weekly Bible study – Tanya and I usually end up watching something after about 9:30

Thursday – Thursday evenings are filled with meeting or social engagements or (when I’m teaching) classes on average 3 out of every 4 Thursdays. – I watch TV occasionally on this night just depending on schedule.

Friday – Date night/family night depending on the week – We watch recorded shows if we stay in after the kids are in bed.

Saturday – At home with the family. – See Friday night above.

So, there isn’t really all that much time to watch TV in the course of an average week. In fact, if I didn’t keep vampire hours, I wouldn’t watch much at all. As it is, staying up to 1 or 2 every night does free up some TV time now and again. But I get an hour or so of Football on Sundays and sometimes again on Monday nights and there are some weeks when we have fewer things in the evening and my wife and I will sit down and watch TV together, but most of my TV watching actually happens on Friday or Saturday nights when my wife and I used to rent movies. We don’t really watch movies much anymore, so instead when we are at home and wanting to just relax we turn on our DVR.

Basically, every year in September, I go through and schedule the DVR to record every show we like and every new show that I think we might like. Since it is nearly impossible to actually follow a TV show through changing timeslots and on again off again season schedules, the DVR has really become the only way to watch TV. Plus we can zip through the commercials which means that we can watch 3 “hour” long dramas in the time span that we used to watch a two hour movie.

Sadly, the technology has severely outpaced the quality of programming. I have HD satellite TV with a DVR that captures and records the HD picture and true 5.1 dolby digital surround and with most of the shows on TV, that is really just so much lipstick on a pig. (I’m leaving out sports by the way. Sports on my TV set up is fantastic, but isn’t really TV so much as it’s an important contribution to the fabric of our society, so we’ll just leave that out of the discussion)

For the past several years, in addition to the DVR, the biggest improvement in TV has been the DVD. I refuse to pay for HBO, but their TV shows are consistently head and shoulders above what the networks churn out. Well, now I can watch those great HBO shows on DVD so long as I can protect myself from water-cooler spoilers along the way. I only bring that up to explain why none of those shows are on this list.
But even though most of what comes on TV is garbage, every once in a while something really good or fun comes along. You know, shows like NYPD Blue, Law and Order, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Family Ties, Cheers, Highlander, The Six Million Dollar Man, X-Files, 24 and if I thought about it more I would no doubt, come up with a few more.

So, with all of that said (and why again did I say it?), lets take a look at what’s on the Stump DVR these days.

1. 24 – Last season was pretty bad. I mean, a real step down. But it’s still Jack Bauer and I still get fired up to see just how bad a day one man can have. That said, if this season doesn’t greatly improve on the last and take the show in some new directions, this could be the last go ‘round for me and Jack.

2. Lost – This show was really losing me with a story that develops slower than Dick Clark’s aging process, but the season finale was a doozie, so I’m coming back for more when it starts again in January.

3. Grey’s Anatomy – This is my wife’s show. I don’t like medical dramas (though the first season of Chicago Hope was pretty good) because it’s about hospitals (which are dreadful) and gross body stuff…yuck. But I hear it is a good show (and the few minutes I’ve seen generally confirms that) and my wife digs it, so while I don’t watch it, it gets a very high protected ranking on the DVR prioritizer.

4. Private Practice – This is a new spin-off from Greys. Again, I don’t watch it for the same reasons, but my wife is checking it out. I think the report after the first episode was “pretty good.” I think the biggest draw back was that the character they spun off wasn’t that compelling, but I question whether there is really going to be a consistent audience to basically watch the same show but with characters they don’t know or care about, but we’ll see.

5. Heroes – This show, like Lost is much better in concept than in execution. The idea and some of the story lines are fantastic, but the show itself is a bit hokey. Still, I’m a sucker for high concept imagination kind of stuff even if it is cheesy in the delivery, so I’m back for another season. Year 2 is taking its time to find its way, but still has some pretty fun stuff going on, so I’m happy to have it around.

6. Law & Order – A classic. I’ve watched since the first season. Incredibly, it has never really lost its touch even through a complete cast overhaul and years on TV. Is it still on by the way? I haven’t seen any new episodes record.

7. Law & Order: Criminal Intent – Love Bobby, don’t like Chris Noth’s character (though he was good with Lenny on the original show back in the day), but this is consistently good mystery TV. Strange jump to the USA network this year, but as long as we get new episodes and the quality doesn’t drop, that’s fine with me. My DVR will find it for me.

8. Bionic Woman – I was really excited for this show. Six Million Dollar Man was probably my favorite show as a kid and I used to love the entire bionic family (yes even the dog), so when I heard about this show coming out I was excited. Then I saw the previews and saw they were trying to put a gritty “realish” spin on the show with sort of an Alias vibe and I was even more excited. Of course, I was also concerned. For starters, the first Bionic Woman was fine when I was 8, but would be pretty hokey now that I have matured to the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. Second, I really wondered how this show was going to be different than Alias which was really just a blatant rip off of Le Femme Nikita (which was a great movie by the way and a very underrated TV series). Well, turns out, it isn’t different than those other shows, it’s just worse. I don’t really like the new Bionic Woman all that well because she lacks that kind of sparkle that Jennifer Garner had that just makes you want to watch her even if what she’s doing makes no sense at all. Plus, as my wife pointed out, she has no chin. Plus the writing is pretty awful. In an apparent overreaction to criticism of the manipulative style of shows like Alias that contort the plot to play with your head, we get dialogue like:

Boss of secret black ops agency with unlimited funding: “Now that we’ve spent 50 million (talk about inflation!!) on you, you have to come help us save the world.”

Summers: Who are you anyway?

BOSBOAWUF: “We are a mysterious, black ops, underground, black bag, super secret spy agency defending the world against other secret rogue agencies that are bad and are trying to destroy the world for no reasons that we know of except for to defend their right to wear black exclusively in every circumstance.”

Summers: “Count me in.”

Really? I mean, at least in Alias, they kept us guessing a bit and invited us to use our imagination at least a little. Here they just spell everything out assuming the people watching are too stupid to know the difference. Worst of all, the bionics no longer make that cool noise when in use. So, as you can tell, the first 2 episodes didn’t thrill me. I have a 3 strikes rule for new TV, so if it doesn’t show me something in this next episode then it goes to a vote and will likely be removed from the DVR.

9. Shark – This is not a good show. The writing is just ok. The stories are rehashed Perry Mason/Law and Order plots and the acting is atrocious. That is, by everyone except James Woods, who is amazing. In fact, he carries this show all by himself and keeps me watching. And there are always a few scenes that are really well done. So, it stays on the list. Woods turns a waste of a show into decent entertainment.

10. Cane – This is another new one with Jimmy Smits (why did Bobby have to die? Why? Why?). I’ve only seen one episode but I liked what I saw. It may turn out to be too soap operaish and just an updated Dallas or Falcon Crest or something, but so far I like the cast and the look and the story, so this one has some promise. It is about a family who make products like rum from their sugar cane. The family seems to be part uber-rich business family, part organized crime and was pretty watchable.

UPDATE: I’ve been writing this for a while so last night I watched another episode of Cane. I really want to like this show. I like Smits and TV could use sort of an epic drama right now. But, alas, it is not good. Smits character is kind of weak and a bit stupid and you just can’t have that in a show like this. You need Stringer Bell or Michael Corleone or Tony Soprano in a role like that. You can’t have a guy visibly shaken over taking a hit out on a kidnapping murderer and then being stupid enough to use his name on a cell phone conversation. Come on. What did he skip corrupt patriarch school? Plus the writing is quite bad and I don’t generally like the direction the show is headed. It is still on the DVR for one more week out of respect of the memory of Bobby Simone, but it is not looking good for Cane.

11. Big Shots – Haven’t seen it yet. I heard bad reviews and it may get cancelled before I get around to watching it, but we’ll see.

UPDATE: I watched this last night. WOW was it bad. I mean WOW!!! That’s right it was all-caps and three exclamation points bad. Michael Vartan (the boyfriend from Alias was the only one in the show that gave something close to a credible acting performance and it seemed awkwardly out of place compared to what everyone else was doing. Dylan McDermott was so bad and sporting such terrible sideburns I found myself audibly moaning and beginning to become genuinely angry. The moment Tanya fell asleep, I turned this show off. It is about 4 business executives who complain about the problems that come with being rich and great looking. It’s like someone saw those Dockers ads from years ago that showed just the pants and thought, “let’s make a show about those guys and have them be really whiney and girly and amoral with really bad sideburns.” I see shows every year that I don’t enjoy, but it has been a long time since I saw a show as repulsive as that show last night was. Not since my regrettable decision to check out Nip/Tuck. I will never watch a second of it again.

12. The Contender – This is the one and only reality show that I watch. I will blog some other time on why I hate “reality” TV so much, but not now. The Contender may single handedly save boxing. It is a cheesy show, but the concept of the show and the tournament behind the show is compelling and fun to watch. Sugar Ray is so effeminate and awkward when delivering his lines that it is painful to watch at times, but the boxing is fun. I wish it was less edited and manipulative, but I still like it. Plus as a bonus, this year there is a guy from Portland. Unfortunately he seems like a complete tool, but it’s still nice for the hometown to get some love.

13. The Office – I like it. It’s pretty funny. It’s just not nearly as good as the original BBC version and I’m not sure I will ever get over that. Every time I watch it I remember how lame American TV can be.

14. My Name is Earl – Looks stupid. Sounds stupid. Is really, pretty smart in a stupid kind of way. Most importantly though, it is just flat out funny. Randy and Joy are two of the best characters on TV.

15. Back to You – This is the new sitcom starring Frasier and Ray Barone’s wife. I’ve only watched one episode and don’t usually record sitcoms. But it was pretty funny and made Tanya laugh outloud a couple times which is no easy task for a TV show, so I kept it on the list. It was pretty good, it just wasn’t remarkable. Nothing new here. My guess is that we almost never end up watching it.

16. Pushing Daisies – When I first saw Arrested Development, I turned to Tanya and said, “this show is too good not to get cancelled.” I had the exact same feeling watching Pushing Daisies. Please watch this show. Please. It is creative and fun visually and well written and acted and mostly just a whole lot of fun. I have only seen one episode, but I loved it. Loved it. Please watch this show. American audiences will almost certainly ignore it and doom it to early cancellation, so give it a shot early. It’s about a guy who can touch dead people and bring them back to life, but if he doesn’t touch them again (which kills them again) within a minute, someone else dies. So, he wakes victims just for a minute to find out who killed them so he can collect reward money. Also, he makes pies. It sounds morbid, but it isn’t really. It is just fun. Check it out. Please watch this show.

17. Chuck – Actually, this one didn’t even make it to 3 episodes. Not a bad idea for a show. Nerd is forced into action with beautiful action spy babe. It is sort of Alias from Marshal’s perspective done for laughs. However, it is too silly without being funny and except for a chase sequence in the first episode (which was outstanding), the action is dull at best. It didn’t show me enough in the second episode to get to a third. Plus, this show is going to be cancelled. Trust me.

18. Cyberchase – Gibson’s favorite show about some kids who get sucked into a computer Tron style or something. Anyway, it is a cartoon where they have to go around using math to solve problems and save the day. It is the kind of show that makes a parent think, “well if they are going to watch TV, at least it has some semblance of educational value.” It’s good.

19. Life – I’m still on the fence about this show. It is about a cop who is wrongly accused of a murder and spends 10 years or something in jail before being freed by DNA. Now he’s rich with a 50mil settlement of a lawsuit and a cop again and uses the self-help coping mechanisms he learned in prison to help solve crimes. The story line is a bit mundane and so I fear there’s not enough to keep me watching. That said, the guy is just quirky enough and the writing good enough to make the show interesting, so I’m giving it a full 3 episodes. I think it might be a sleeper in a good way.

20. Moonlight – This is a vampire show. I’m a sucker for vampire shows. I have no idea why since I don’t like gore. I haven’t seen it yet. Tanya doesn’t seem that intrigued and I keep the list of shows I watch without her pretty short. So, it’s facing tough odds of sticking around, but I’ll give it a shot at some point.

21. Prison Break – I have no idea why I keep watching this show. I think they may have brainwashed me with subliminal messages.

22. Friday Night Lights – If the Wire was the best show that nobody watched, then this is the current champion of that category and a close second to the Wire. Great cast, good writing and engrossing drama. It seems at first like it’s about high school or football, but it is really about small town life and the difficult decisions brought about by change. It is an excellent show and if you are looking for something new this year, grab the first season on DVD and then start watching the second and maybe, just maybe, they will keep bringing this one back.

23. Damages – F/X brought Glenn Close to TV for this show and I have to say I got hooked good and fast. It follows a first year lawyer working for a high profile plaintiff’s attorney on an even higher profile Enron type case against Sam Malone from Cheers who has mysteriously found a way to regrow hair…hmmm… Anyway, it is half flashbacks, half current time mystery and is very well done. It reveals the plot slowly, but fast enough that you don’t feel completely toyed with. The only issue I have with this show (and I haven’t seen the last episode(s) yet), is that I don’t see how there can be a second season given the way we’re going. But who knows? The first season was great, though if you haven’t been watching, you will have to wait for the DVDs. The show ran over the summer.

24. The 4400 – Another summer show, this one kind of had the idea for Heroes before Heroes came along. I mean, they are both basically ripping off X-Men anyway, so I don’t guess it matters. In this show 4400 people who had mysteriously disappeared over the course of the last 100 years show up all together at once not having aged. They appear in Seattle (for the coffee I’m sure) and each of them have a super power. The reason for this is vague in an X-Files like way, but it appears that they were collected from the past by people in the future who found a way to turn on the superhero gene in all of us and then sent them back to the present to make the future a better place. Got all that? Anyway, it is pretty entertaining over the summer when there is really nothing else on. Now I think you can get all the shows on DVD which is always a nicer way to watch a show anyway.

25. Burn Notice – Yet another summer show. The basic cable networks are catching on to something. The public networks don’t run new programming in the summer apparently believing that with nicer weather and no school, people leave their TVs turned of for 3 and half months. Turns out, that’s not true and the good people at USA, F/X and TNT seem to be catching on. Burn notice is about a blacklisted former spy that now must help out the innocent against local Miami baddies (A-Team style) while trying to figure out how he got “burned” (the apparent spy word for getting fired). It is light and usually silly and mostly just an excuse to show shots of the Miami beaches, but it is also surprisingly entertaining in a guilty pleasure sort of way. I’ll be back for more when it is on again next year.

26. Arrested Development – They show the reruns of this short lived but brilliant sitcom on the HD channel. I record them and watch whenever I can.

27. Seinfeld – See Arrested Development above.

28. The Black Donnellys – This show got cancelled and then sprung to life showing new episodes on the HD channel. This show was much too good for network TV and so of course it failed to gain an audience. Good show though.

29. NFL Primetime – But that’s sports so it doesn’t count remember

30. Journeyman – I think this show used to be Quantum Leap. The pilot was quite promising. It is about a guy who (with no explaination) blacks out and travels back in time on an apparent mission to write some wrong and (like in the 4400) improve the present…or future…or whatever it would be. It was well done and stayed away from the traps in this kind of show that make a show like this unwatchably cheesy like straining to explain all the supernatural stuff. I question whether this show will be able to capture a big enough audience to keep going, but I’m going to watch.

31. Various home décor/design and fashion shows – There are other shows that we record for my wife that include various shows about interior design and fashion makeovers. They aren’t the Fox style seedy reality shows, but are of the TLC “Trading Spaces” variety. Fashion and design are a personal and professional interest of my uber-talented wife and so she enjoys these shows. That said, I have found that if you can put up with the effeminate men many of these shows are pretty entertaining.

Of course, this list will be shortened significantly in the near future and half of what’s on this list at least will go unwatched, but that’s the scoop right now. To be honest, none of these shows hold a candle to the cable stuff like Deadwood, The Wire, Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage, etc, but thanks to the DVDs, I can watch all of those too and stick to my basic cable plan.

Now that I’ve cleared the decks as it were, I will start trying to post actual movie reviews on this site when I see something worth reviewing.