Random Update

Seems like time for an update on a few things.

First, the deck project. As you may recall (and you can scroll down if you don’t), I have undertaken to repair/replace/resurrect my deck. It was a large two story monstrosity hurriedly cobbled together by a crew of blind men about 30 years ago. I discovered that the main support beams holding up the upper deck, which is on the same level as the main level of our daylight basement home had roughly the structural integrity of marshmallow cream.

My father in law, who is an engineer and one of those guys who can build anything (I am decidedly not one of those guys) pointed out that I should probably not have his daughter and grandchildren frolicking (yes we’re big frolickers) about on a deck supported by large 4x10 sponges. So, he helped me develop a plan.

The beams were supported by 16 foot 6x6 posts which we believed to be secure, so we planned to leave those in place. The joists under the upper deck also seemed to be mostly free of rot and we decided to keep those as well, at least for now. Finally the lower deck felt sturdy, and we don’t use it as much so we decided to leave it alone too. So, we would build a temporary structure that would allow us to jack the upper deck up and take the weight off of the rotted beams so they could be removed and new ones put in their place. Then we could replace the deck boards on the upper deck and be done with it for this year. Easy as pie. I have no idea how to make pie.

Then we discovered that the posts were rotten and the scale and cost of the job went from “we can afford to do this if we put off some other home repairs and cut back our spending” to “we can afford to do this if we elude the FBI long enough to knock over every bank in town.” Very disappointing.

Then we discovered that as rotten as the beams holding up the upper deck were, the lower beams were in far worse shape by comparison. In fact, an inspection of the lower beams left us wondering if it was a magic deck being held up by a spell of some kind because clearly the beams could not be holding any weight.

So we had to develop a new plan. The new plan went like this:

Step 1 – curse the people who built the deck to this house and their family members and their descendants. If your gardens are suddenly overrun with locusts or something, you may be related to the guy who built our deck. Just a heads up.

Step 2 – call in every last favor with my friends and family to come over and help me tear out the lower deck (which wasn’t even supposed be touched this year) and devise a plan for replacing all of the structure of the upper deck without having to remove the upper deck.

Step 3 – enjoy the “benefit” of having a thoroughly rotten deck in that it is very easy to tear out. My friend Joe remarked that my 3 year old could have easily pulled the beams off the bolts pretending to hold them on to the posts. Though we both agreed that wasn’t a great idea. You should be at least 4 before you do that kind of work.

Step 4 – repeat Step 1

Step 5 – build a new permanent structure right behind the old structure. This meant putting up 11 new 6x6 posts and 11 new 4x10 beams, many of which were about 15 feet off the ground. This step led to the following:

--My good friends who helped me with the main construction on this step, to whom I am eternally indebted, gave up their evenings and Saturdays to help me get this done. We got everything in except for the last 2 beams. The process of putting the beams in place took a minimum of 4 people. Two would have to carry the beam up two separate ladders that were designed to slide 6 inches to the right or left when you were half way up just to scare the living bejeezus out of you. A third person had to jack up the upper deck using a bottle jack (or two) and a temporary post (or two). A fourth had to hold the post while it was being jacked and provide extra support for the new beam while it was waiting to be put in place. To be honest, it was really more like a 6 person job, but with 4 you could get it done. But you can only ask so much of your friends and when I reached that line I still had 2 beams to go. So, my brother Enoch came over and I took the day off and we decided it was a good idea for the two of us to try to do the work of 4 men with the only risk being that we might cause the entire upper deck to collapse down on us or at very least drop huge pieces of lumber down on our heads. Yet more evidence, that my propensity for stupidity is virtually unparalleled.

In the process, I injured my back; caused the temporary post to buckle and give way nearly smashing into me in the process; narrowly avoided knocking down half of the new beams we had put in place; and generally left myself just being thankful to be alive. But we got everything done, so all’s well that doesn’t end in maiming or death, right?

Step 6 – Replace the joists and lower deck boards

Step 7 – Remove the old, rotten structure for the upper deck.

Right now, I’m on Step 6. Today I call to get the estimate on cost for that part. Let’s hope it is substantially less than the 96k estimate for replacing the entire deck.

Here are a few other things going on in my life at the moment at no additional cost to you the reader:

1. The trial for the crazy lady I encountered on the MAX train has been postponed twice. It is now set for mid October. If it does in fact go to trial, I will make sure to provide a full report.

2. I’ve been enjoying a weekly “guys night at the movies” for a while now which has been great fun in spite of the fact that it has led us to see some of the worst movies ever (Shoot ‘Em Up, Balls of Fury…and more). But we also saw 3:10 to Yuma which I recommend if you like westerns. And if you don’t like westerns, what’s the matter with you anyway?

3. My oldest son Gibson is in his second year of Spanish immersion and now in the second grade. Incredibly, he is fluent and I still don’t speak a word except that I can say, “this is a red line train to Portland Airport, doors on my left” thanks to my MAX commute. How long do I have until he starts making fun of me without me knowing it? Has it already started?

4. My wife just successfully completed a move of the boys rooms. Rather than separate bedrooms, the boys now share a room with their beds and clothes where they sleep and then share a second separate room where they keep their toys and a desk and stuff. It has been a brilliant thing that was pulled off beautifully and included a very cool “Lightening McQueen” paint job in the sleeping room, complete with silver flames that go around the room and a checkered flag closet door. My wife is the coolest.

5. I am planning a trip to Atlanta with my buddy Jeff that has me very excited. He’s going there to check out colleges for “work.” He “works” as a college counselor for a very uppity uppity private academy in SoCal. We’re going to go to a game between the hedges and then a Niner Falcons game the next day. Should be good stuff.

Ok, that’s enough for now.