StumpTown Blog

Time and other circumstances have kept me away from the blogging world for a few days. I miss it, but I can’t dive back in today for very long either. So, let me just say this. I often use this space for my attempts at humor. I love laughing and joking and being sarcastic. I’m glad that my blogging has brought me into contact with so many people who enjoy the same. But today, I need to be a bit more serious and ask something from you and then I promise I’ll go back to trying to be more entertaining. My heart has been pretty heavy for a few weeks now. It seems that all around me the marriages of my friends are breaking down or falling apart. Remember back in college and right after when it seemed like all your friends were getting married and you spent entire summers going from Church to Church hearing vows exchanged? Well, now here I am more than 10 years removed from that and instead of happily lending my witness to the beginning of two lives becoming one, I see friend after ...

1. How is it even possible to be a bad MAX light rail driver? It’s a train. Don’t you just basically go and stop? Here in Portland we have a fantastic public transportation system. The buses are clean and actually arrive on time and we have this great light rail train called MAX which stands for nothing because no useable word starts with X unless this is something like “Mobile Active Xylophones,” which I don’t think it is and therefore I conclude it stands for nothing and was named after the Mayor’s dog or something like that. Anyway, MAX is great and I ride it at least 4 days a week to and from the office. However every once in a while, they allow the drivers to bring their 15 year old children to work to learn how to drive on a MAX train. I see no other explanation for the fact that while 8 out of 10 trips are smooth, the other two the whole trip is one extended lurch fest. FEATHER THE BRAKES for crying out loud. I actually wondered this morning if the driver had pl...

I don’t understand why certain things become fashionable in clothing. Why does this year need or have a color? Why was pink the new brown last year when everyone in fashion still seems to mostly wear black (no doubt afraid they may have forgotten what this year’s color is so better to play it safe)? I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t care to know. With an ever invading cynicism taking hold, I’m trying to avoid experiences and information which are highly likely to only lessen my opinion of my fellow man or woman. I know how those decisions are made of course. “They” make the decisions. You know “They” right? “They” are responsible for most of the important things that happen in life as in, “You know ‘They’re’ saying now that eating just the yoke of an egg could decrease your odds of getting the flu by as much as one half of one percent.” “They” say stuff, and do stuff and conspire, etc. Well one subgroup of “They”, known as “Snobs” gets together in an opulent over decorated sitting room i...

Ok, so I know I have a sports blog where I’m supposed to put this kind of thing and I will put a more detailed sports fan report together for that blog, but this post is really more about a fun day with my kid than it is about sports, so I’m posting it here. Gibson and I went to the Portland TrailBlazers Fan Appreciation event at the Portland Rose Garden where the Blazers play yesterday. This made it two years in a row for this event and we had a great time, so I thought I would share. The event consists of an autograph signing session with the players followed by a short practice and then an intersquad scrimmage. Let me start by saying, I’m not an autograph guy. I’ve gotten things signed a few times over the years, but it has never been a big deal to me. Usually, when I’ve been in a position to get something signed, I didn’t have anything worth signing (do you keep a scrap of paper? I know some of you do), or it wasn’t someone I cared enough about or whatever. But now that my in...

I finally got the sports report up on my sports site. I wish I had more time to spend on that, but oh well. Also, there are a few of the more significant questions in life that I have been struggling with more lately. If any of you have the time and insight to provide the answers, I would be eternally grateful (and by “eternally” I mean until I forget about it which will probably be tomorrow). 1. Why is macaroni salad so much better when served at a Hawaiian restaurant? Is it the combo with the bento style meat and rice? I mean, I never eat mac salad unless I’m getting Hawaiian and then I can’t get enough. Why? 2. Why does the Coke at McDonalds taste so much better than anywhere else? I’m a Pepsi guy myself, but the Coke at McDonalds (where I never eat if I can avoid it), is notably better. Why? 3. Why do 40% the telemarketers that call me at home ask if they can speak to “Joseph Stump?” Did my name get misprinted on some globa...

Wow, two posts in one day! Unheard of. Of course this second post of the day is really just to let you know that I have finally finished two movie reviews I've been writing in bits and pieces for a week or more and posted them on my entertainment blog. They are for "The Departed" and Jet Li's "Fearless." Should have a sports post up tomorrow. And, for no reason other than I love the picture, here is a photo of one of my little angels. In case you need any halloween inspiration.

The other day my buddy Randy posted to his blog a running diary of a day he had spent with his son and his son’s friend who was visiting from out of town. He described it as the perfect day for his son. It was spent with a good friend, fishing, eating In and Out Burgers, video games, basketball and Sonic slushies. The thing is, everyone who knows Randy knew that he was really describing the perfect day for himself. What’s more, I am certain many if not most of the people reading that would have considered that a pretty great day. But Randy had to pass it off (sort of) like it was all for his son and not also for him. He had to pretend at least a little that he wouldn’t really enjoy that kind of day, but it was for the kids. Why? So, here’s the question for the day. Why do we stop doing the things we love in the name of adulthood? Is it the apostle Paul’s comment about putting childish ways behind him? Is it because all of the people who didn’t know how to enjoy themselves as ...

Remember Jack Handy’s Deep Thoughts from SNL back when SNL was funny enough to merit being a show with its own TLA (Three Letter Acronym: not really an acronym, but I’m not starting that debate again), anyway, I loved those. Things like, “If trees could scream would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” Well, these aren’t deep thoughts, they are just a few shallow thoughts and some things that are going on that I thought I would share. 1. The Niners Win, The Niners Win, Theeeeeeeeeeeee Niners Win! I have to soak it up whenever it happens these days, because who knows when it will happen again. I have a sports blog to protect those who are less sports obsessed than myself, but I have to do some cheering now since I don’t have time to update the sports blog today. Check back on the sports blog later for my thoughts on the Niners, why you might want to watch the baseball playoffs, the fantasy update...

There are at least 2 things every episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos includes. One, is incredibly cheesy and un-funny jokes by the host who usually delivers them as if to say, “I’m as embarrassed as you are right now, just laugh so I don’t have to pimp myself out to D-list celebrity reality shows.” Two, is at least one video of some guy taking a shot below the belt. There are some things that just never get old to the American televiewing audience. Guys taking a “low blow” might be near the top of the list for reasons I will never fully understand and don’t even want to contemplate really. And it joins other timeless favorites like: gameshows, Regis, stalking and abusing famous people and calling it journalism, cop shows and any show about anyone who is wealthy. Of course there are some things that old quickly, like those Taco Bell commercials with the little dog (though no one told Taco Bell) or the Enterprise car rental commercials with all the people who are mysteriously burs...

I have no time to do a full post today, but wanted to toss this out there. I saw Jet Li's "Fearless" last night. I'll post a movie review over on my movie site, maybe in the wee hours of the night tonight, but for now give me your thoughts on this. Martial Arts movies usually show a lot of really cool fighting. I mean, that's why we love them. It's certainly not for Jet Li's acting chops. That said, I find myself primarily thinking, "that looks cool and all, but that would never work in a real fight that wasn't choreographed." I'm not even talking about the wire work. I'm talking about certain flips, kicks and punches that seem to only be of value if the opponent does just what you want. I also see a lot of stuff that makes me think, "wait, why did one quick elbow to that guy's gut with no wind up at all from a guy who is about 5'2" and 135 at the most, just completely incapacitate that guy or render him unconscious?...