Trials and Tribulations

Greetings everyone from your long lost lawyer blogger friend.

Things have been particularly busy of late. The month of November was taken up entirely preparing for and then doing the lawyering in a two week jury trial. I basically did nothing but work on that case for about a month. Now I am slowly recovering and trying to get to know my family again. Thankfully all that hard work ended with a win for my client. It was an especially gratifying win not only because of all the hard work that went into it but because my clients are genuinely good people and it would have been a grave injustice if they had lost. If it weren’t for all the darned confidentialities and professional etiquette involved in such a thing, I could fill this blog with good stories from this trial for months to come.

Instead, I will just offer this bit of advice for any new or would-be litigators out there. When your entire case comes down to your own client’s memory and understanding of events, calling an expert witness in to say that your client has severe mental impairment that puts his memory in the .5 percentile is probably not your best move. The lawyer on the other side just might seize on that and remind the jury at every turn that 99.5% of the population remembers things better than your client.

I’m just saying…

We have all had “now you’ll find out who your friends are” moments in life. Maybe it is when your second rap album flopped and you had to sell your Maserati and most of your bling. The ones who stuck around when you were blingless are much more likely to be your friends (either that or they are just conservative investors and are hoping you swing back to your former playa status).

Or, maybe it was when you had to take some big risk like when you decided to wear green and orange together for the first time. The ones that stuck with you and didn’t even make hurtful jokes about your sexual preferences behind your back are, again, much more likely to be your real friends.

But those are just a couple universal examples. Maybe yours was a variation, but those friend testing moments are real and can be some of the more affirming or devastating moments of our lives.

This trial was just such a moment for me. I basically dropped out of life for 3 weeks. I was at the office all the time. I doled out all of my duties at Church and all aspects of my personal or family life were simply put on hold. I didn’t return emails or phone calls. I didn’t show up for social gatherings even when they were at my own house. I only saw my wife and kids when they were sleeping. I was dialed into that trial, 100%.

The people I thought were my closest friends all responded basically the same way. They covered for me at Church, they prayed for me, they never complained, they changed their schedules to accommodate mine and even came to court to watch me litigate. They sent me encouraging emails and on the rare times they saw me out of court they convincingly feigned interest in my ranting and raving about the latest boring trial detail. Then after hearing me wax on about things no one but a lawyer half brain dead with exhaustion and stress would care about, they would smile and tell me it was interesting and then tell me they thought I would be great.
Basically, the side effect of the whole draining experience was a big fat reminder that I have really good friends. They are the kind that stick with me when I’m blingless or when I make questionable fashion decisions. They even stick with me when I completely ignore them for nearly a month. But more than stick with me, they encourage me and try to help me when they are getting nothing from me but an earful about the “hearsay” rules or why western civilization may come to an end if parties are allowed to argue their case unfettered in voir dire. Those are true friends indeed and I have a whole bunch of them. I already believed that, but now I know and as my good friend the narrator from the GI Joes cartoon of the late ‘80s would say “you must fight the evil forces of C.O.B.R.A.” and also, “knowing is half the battle.”

Well, when it comes to friendship, knowing who your friends are is more than half the battle, it is the victory itself.

But, as great as my friends are and as thankful as I am for them, they all paled in comparison to the effort shown by my best friend.

I have been married for more than 15 years now and have known my wife for all but the first 11 years of my life. During that time, she has never stopped amazing me with her talent and faith and grace and beauty. But even still there have been moments where she has elevated her game to match the circumstances. There was the LA earthquake and the impact it had on her job, the move to Virginia where she knew no one and still had to be the sole bread winner for the family while I was in law school. There was the house fire, the move to Eugene, the move to Portland, the first house remodel, the second house remodel, the parents house remodel and the miracle of strength of will and character that she displayed when giving birth to our boys. At each of these times a truly extraordinary woman stepped up to perform nearly super-human feats.

So, when these moments come, they should no longer come as a surprise, but I have found that I have never “gotten used to” the spectacular. So, while it was in keeping with her character to respond the way she did when I was in trial, it still amazed me.

Now maybe it wasn’t on the level of giving birth or dealing with a devastating fire, but to me my wife’s response to suddenly losing her husband and father of her children for 3 weeks was nothing short of spectacular. She never once complained. Never asked me for more of my time. Never tried to make me feel guilty for my absence. She always told me how nice I looked and how great she thought I would do and then simply took care of the house, the boys, and the myriad of other obligations. She listened and encouraged and gave me more support than I had a right to ask for.

I had lots of help with this trial from other lawyers and the great staff at my office. But no one contributed more to my success in trial than my wife. As she has done so many times before, she not only placed my needs ahead of her own, but did it with a smile on her face.

My trial could have been a very rocky time for our marriage. Instead, because of Tanya, it simply made me love her more. Apparently, I felt like you should know.

Changing gears a bit, I also need to post an update about my Dad and his health. Basically, it is not very good I’m afraid. The cancer has been back and growing quickly in his liver since August. He has been trying a number of different medications to stop or slow it, but nothing has worked. Surgery is not an option.

Recently we discovered that the liver is beginning to show significant damage and he has been generally feeling worse and worse. Though thankfully he still feels well enough to keep working and traveling to see the grandkids and the like. Right now we are trying to get our hands on newer still unproven drugs through clinical trials in hopes of finding something that will stop the cancer. The clinical trials are all over the country and can be difficult to get into, but they are what appears to be the last line of defense.

Please continue praying for my Dad and my Mom and my family. I am praying that he can get into a trial soon that doesn’t require him to move to Boston or Chicago or Denver and that would allow access to the drug that will finally shut this cancer down.

Thank you to all my friends who have contacted me even when I haven’t posted here. And to all of those who put up with my absence the last month. It has been a great encouragement.
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