StumpTown Blog

Time and other circumstances have kept me away from the blogging world for a few days. I miss it, but I can’t dive back in today for very long either. So, let me just say this. I often use this space for my attempts at humor. I love laughing and joking and being sarcastic. I’m glad that my blogging has brought me into contact with so many people who enjoy the same. But today, I need to be a bit more serious and ask something from you and then I promise I’ll go back to trying to be more entertaining. My heart has been pretty heavy for a few weeks now. It seems that all around me the marriages of my friends are breaking down or falling apart. Remember back in college and right after when it seemed like all your friends were getting married and you spent entire summers going from Church to Church hearing vows exchanged? Well, now here I am more than 10 years removed from that and instead of happily lending my witness to the beginning of two lives becoming one, I see friend after ...

1. How is it even possible to be a bad MAX light rail driver? It’s a train. Don’t you just basically go and stop? Here in Portland we have a fantastic public transportation system. The buses are clean and actually arrive on time and we have this great light rail train called MAX which stands for nothing because no useable word starts with X unless this is something like “Mobile Active Xylophones,” which I don’t think it is and therefore I conclude it stands for nothing and was named after the Mayor’s dog or something like that. Anyway, MAX is great and I ride it at least 4 days a week to and from the office. However every once in a while, they allow the drivers to bring their 15 year old children to work to learn how to drive on a MAX train. I see no other explanation for the fact that while 8 out of 10 trips are smooth, the other two the whole trip is one extended lurch fest. FEATHER THE BRAKES for crying out loud. I actually wondered this morning if the driver had pl...

I don’t understand why certain things become fashionable in clothing. Why does this year need or have a color? Why was pink the new brown last year when everyone in fashion still seems to mostly wear black (no doubt afraid they may have forgotten what this year’s color is so better to play it safe)? I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t care to know. With an ever invading cynicism taking hold, I’m trying to avoid experiences and information which are highly likely to only lessen my opinion of my fellow man or woman. I know how those decisions are made of course. “They” make the decisions. You know “They” right? “They” are responsible for most of the important things that happen in life as in, “You know ‘They’re’ saying now that eating just the yoke of an egg could decrease your odds of getting the flu by as much as one half of one percent.” “They” say stuff, and do stuff and conspire, etc. Well one subgroup of “They”, known as “Snobs” gets together in an opulent over decorated sitting room i...

Ok, so I know I have a sports blog where I’m supposed to put this kind of thing and I will put a more detailed sports fan report together for that blog, but this post is really more about a fun day with my kid than it is about sports, so I’m posting it here. Gibson and I went to the Portland TrailBlazers Fan Appreciation event at the Portland Rose Garden where the Blazers play yesterday. This made it two years in a row for this event and we had a great time, so I thought I would share. The event consists of an autograph signing session with the players followed by a short practice and then an intersquad scrimmage. Let me start by saying, I’m not an autograph guy. I’ve gotten things signed a few times over the years, but it has never been a big deal to me. Usually, when I’ve been in a position to get something signed, I didn’t have anything worth signing (do you keep a scrap of paper? I know some of you do), or it wasn’t someone I cared enough about or whatever. But now that my in...

I finally got the sports report up on my sports site. I wish I had more time to spend on that, but oh well. Also, there are a few of the more significant questions in life that I have been struggling with more lately. If any of you have the time and insight to provide the answers, I would be eternally grateful (and by “eternally” I mean until I forget about it which will probably be tomorrow). 1. Why is macaroni salad so much better when served at a Hawaiian restaurant? Is it the combo with the bento style meat and rice? I mean, I never eat mac salad unless I’m getting Hawaiian and then I can’t get enough. Why? 2. Why does the Coke at McDonalds taste so much better than anywhere else? I’m a Pepsi guy myself, but the Coke at McDonalds (where I never eat if I can avoid it), is notably better. Why? 3. Why do 40% the telemarketers that call me at home ask if they can speak to “Joseph Stump?” Did my name get misprinted on some globa...

Wow, two posts in one day! Unheard of. Of course this second post of the day is really just to let you know that I have finally finished two movie reviews I've been writing in bits and pieces for a week or more and posted them on my entertainment blog. They are for "The Departed" and Jet Li's "Fearless." Should have a sports post up tomorrow. And, for no reason other than I love the picture, here is a photo of one of my little angels. In case you need any halloween inspiration.

The other day my buddy Randy posted to his blog a running diary of a day he had spent with his son and his son’s friend who was visiting from out of town. He described it as the perfect day for his son. It was spent with a good friend, fishing, eating In and Out Burgers, video games, basketball and Sonic slushies. The thing is, everyone who knows Randy knew that he was really describing the perfect day for himself. What’s more, I am certain many if not most of the people reading that would have considered that a pretty great day. But Randy had to pass it off (sort of) like it was all for his son and not also for him. He had to pretend at least a little that he wouldn’t really enjoy that kind of day, but it was for the kids. Why? So, here’s the question for the day. Why do we stop doing the things we love in the name of adulthood? Is it the apostle Paul’s comment about putting childish ways behind him? Is it because all of the people who didn’t know how to enjoy themselves as ...

Remember Jack Handy’s Deep Thoughts from SNL back when SNL was funny enough to merit being a show with its own TLA (Three Letter Acronym: not really an acronym, but I’m not starting that debate again), anyway, I loved those. Things like, “If trees could scream would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” Well, these aren’t deep thoughts, they are just a few shallow thoughts and some things that are going on that I thought I would share. 1. The Niners Win, The Niners Win, Theeeeeeeeeeeee Niners Win! I have to soak it up whenever it happens these days, because who knows when it will happen again. I have a sports blog to protect those who are less sports obsessed than myself, but I have to do some cheering now since I don’t have time to update the sports blog today. Check back on the sports blog later for my thoughts on the Niners, why you might want to watch the baseball playoffs, the fantasy update...

There are at least 2 things every episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos includes. One, is incredibly cheesy and un-funny jokes by the host who usually delivers them as if to say, “I’m as embarrassed as you are right now, just laugh so I don’t have to pimp myself out to D-list celebrity reality shows.” Two, is at least one video of some guy taking a shot below the belt. There are some things that just never get old to the American televiewing audience. Guys taking a “low blow” might be near the top of the list for reasons I will never fully understand and don’t even want to contemplate really. And it joins other timeless favorites like: gameshows, Regis, stalking and abusing famous people and calling it journalism, cop shows and any show about anyone who is wealthy. Of course there are some things that old quickly, like those Taco Bell commercials with the little dog (though no one told Taco Bell) or the Enterprise car rental commercials with all the people who are mysteriously burs...

I have no time to do a full post today, but wanted to toss this out there. I saw Jet Li's "Fearless" last night. I'll post a movie review over on my movie site, maybe in the wee hours of the night tonight, but for now give me your thoughts on this. Martial Arts movies usually show a lot of really cool fighting. I mean, that's why we love them. It's certainly not for Jet Li's acting chops. That said, I find myself primarily thinking, "that looks cool and all, but that would never work in a real fight that wasn't choreographed." I'm not even talking about the wire work. I'm talking about certain flips, kicks and punches that seem to only be of value if the opponent does just what you want. I also see a lot of stuff that makes me think, "wait, why did one quick elbow to that guy's gut with no wind up at all from a guy who is about 5'2" and 135 at the most, just completely incapacitate that guy or render him unconscious?...

My Dad is a big man and has been as long as I’ve known him. He’s not NFL offensive line big or anything like that and he’s only 6’1”. But he’s one of those guys who seems even bigger than he is. When I was young he was, of course, the strongest man in the entire world. I remember that I couldn’t even lift my “Green Machine” pedal car and yet he could pick it up and carry it up stairs with only one hand. In his younger years he had been a real-life, actual lumber jack working in the woods in northern California and the tales of his strength and ferocity from these years were the thing of myth for me and my brothers growing up. We heard stories of car doors ripped off their hinges, forks being stabbed through people’s hands that dared to play at stealing my Dad’s dessert and on and on. In truth, my Dad is not a violent man at all. To my knowledge he has never been in a fist fight since I’ve been alive and I don’t recall hearing any stories from his younger days of actual fights. B...

If you don't mind, click over to my entertainment blog and put in your 2 cents (unless you have more) in response to the question posed there. Thanks. Also, speaking of cents. Why is it that people everywhere lazily pronounce fifty (50) as "fitty" (as in rapper 50 Cent) and yet no one says "sitty" when saying sixty. Very strange I think. These are the kinds of things I think about when I'm trying to block out that odor while commuting on MAX.

My lovely and mactastic wife informed me that today is national “talk like a pirate day.” The reasons our nation needs this day and that we celebrate it on September 19 are too numerous to mention and to obvious to be worth noting, so let’s move on and dig deeper into the true meaning of this holiday. My biggest complaint about TLAP day is that it has become so commercialized that we have lost the original meaning. I mean, we have big budget movies staring the worlds girliest men wearing more eye makeup than Courtney Love (the popularity of those movies so diminishes my faith in humanity it is nearly enough for me to denounce democracy). We have amusement park rides about pirates, endless pirate toys, sports teams named for pirates. It is all too much. Once upon a time, talking like a pirate really meant something. It meant lots of growling and bad English accents. It meant repeating non-sensical phrases like “shiver me timbers” and “blow me down” and “poop deck” (you’re giggling right...

Greetings all. I’m back from Turlock with a correction to make. In fairness to Turlock I need to mention one of its best points that I forgot in my previous post – the Lewis family. Big Mike and his folks did time in Turlock and they are just downright good people who I am proud to know and who Turlock should be proud to have had. Great trip all around. My work went well and quickly which is all I could ask. I got to hang out with my friends Randy and Beth and their two great kids. I got to hang out and watch a ton of football with my brothers Caleb and Enoch and Caleb’s wife and kids. And the 49ers won their home opener against the hated Rams. Good times. For more on the Niners victory and a recap of this weekend’s sports offerings, check out my sportsblog. Also, assuming I get the time to write it, be on the watch on my entertainment blog for reviews of Little Miss Sunshine and Invincible. Both movies were very good, but I’ll lay it out there later. The best part of my trip...

Greetings everyone from Turlock, CA. Here are my favorite things about Turlock so far: 1. It smells like a port-a-potty used mostly by cows 2. There are no signs for Turlock, anywhere. It’s like its existence is some kind of secret or something. No this many miles until… signs. No “welcome to” sign. No “Turlock Market” or the like. Only people who really want to can find Turlock and I can’t find any reasons why there would be any such people 3. My hotel stay has produced the following conversations: Late Night Hotel Guy: Hello, front desk Me: Yeah, I’m trying to watch TV in my room and I can’t get a signal. The TV comes on, but the signal seems to be scrambled and it is unwatchable. LNHG: Ummm…yeah, I don’t know what to tell you about that. Me: Well, I mean, is there some problem with the cable? Is there some setting I need to change? Is this just my room or a hotel wide problem? LNHG: Well, I’ve never watched TV in the rooms so I...

Just a quick note while a couple things are on my mind here at about 2 in the am while I take a break from work for a moment. First, we focused our worship service at Church this morning around prayers for our school kids and our teachers who have just begun a new year. One of the reasons I love my Church family here at Westside is how they embrace these sorts of “special” services that don’t follow a traditional pattern or format, but take a break to address some timely issue or concern. Especially with my oldest starting school this year, today was especially meaningful. So, here is a reminder to pray for our kids and our teachers. I know I will be and I know it will make a difference. Second, my Dad is doing the preaching these days at Westside. Not what he set out to do when choosing a career in ministry, but he is wonderfully gifted at it (yes I’m bias, so what, I’m still right so there), and I’m enjoying this time getting to hear him preach on a regular basis. A couple week...

Sorry for the strange post, but I'm only posting this to try to fix my picture problem. My picture problem is that I look bad in pictures. But the problem I'm trying to fix with blogger (until they offer plastic surgery) is that it won't let me post pictures to my blogs. What is even stranger is that it allows me to post pictures about 1 out of every 15 times I try without any noticable pattern. I have asked for help and none of the suggested "fixes" work. So I'm striking out on my own. If you have advice, please share. So, if this new attempt works, you should see a picture of what two young boys look like after a 3 mile hike which is up hill all the way.

Just a quick note today. I have finally updated the links on this site to feature some of the blogs that I have been reading and whose authors have been visiting and commenting here. So, Greg, Steve, John, Cecil and Bobby, this is your official welcome. To anyone else reading this, I encourage you to check out these other blogs as they are a good combination of humor and insight and theology. Plus, as these guys sometimes comment here at my blog, it is a way for you to check out who these folks are and what they are up to. Of course the real reason for the links is just that now it is more convenient for me to visit them since it is, as you might as well know, all about me. Also, this seems a good time to thank Greg for the link on the origin of playing cards which is in the comments of my previous posts.. It sounds like the origin isn't really known with any certainty and that's a little comforting as it partially explains why know one seems to know the answer. This made me th...

I know I am. Check out my sports blog for 10 things that will absolutely positively happen this weekend in the NFL and feel free to wager on them. I wouldn't want you thinking it was just for entertainment purposes. A couple quick things before I have to run off to pick Gibson up from school. 1. Gibson started first grade on Tuesday and after two days is loving it. It is 100% spanish immersion, but he is understanding enough of it to enjoy it. Keep him in your prayers 2. Here's something I've always wanted to know. Does our modern deck of playing cards come from a particular game? How did they come about in this form? I hear people say they're from China or Ireland or whatever, but I mean, why the 4 suits and the face cards, etc. Was there some original game that these cards were designed for? Why didn't it last? Why doesn't anyone know this? 3. I think there might be some signs that we may see a trend toward simplicity in our culture. In the masses of punked o...

It took me so long to complete my recap of my backpacking trip earlier this summer, that I am committed to doing this one all in one shot. Interestingly, that means that I will complete the recap of one trip before completing the first one which happened months ago, but there you have it. So, with out much further ado, here is the recap of my most recent backpacking trip. Enjoy. September 1, 2006. Around the time of the trip I’ve been blogging about that I took to Three Sisters with my lovely wife Tanya and my brother Enoch, we asked my oldest son Gibson what he wanted for his 6th birthday. I think he was feeling a bit left out at the time as he doesn’t believe we should ever do anything without him except for maybe eat vegetables. Anyway, he told us that he wanted to go backpacking for his birthday without even having the first clue what that meant. Nevertheless, both Tanya and I believe that the best way to raise children is to give them whatever they ask for without exception so...